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While Joe was out fishing one day, he spotted an old man observing him from a distance. As the hours went by, the man continued to sit there and watch. As Joe was leaving, he approached the old man and said, “I couldn’t help noticing that you were watching me fish all day.” The man replied, “Well, you see, I used to fish myself years ago, but I gave it up ‘cause I just ain’t got the patience.”
For many of us, patience is one of the hardest virtues to practice. Our prayer might be, “God, please give me patience — right now!” We want to be more patient, but in this age of “instant everything,” waiting for anything seems a waste of time. Being patient is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I usually find it relatively easy to be patient when dealing with clients, working with animals, or when writing, doing artwork or other enjoyable pursuits, even when they sometimes prove difficult. But it is often much harder for me to be patient with other drivers, at home, and with the people closest to me, when the tedium and annoyances of familiarity and the daily routine grate on my nerves and make me irritable and “snappish.”
Impatience can damage our relationships with other people. It can even affect our relationship with God (whatever “God” means to you), implying a lack of trust that God will do what’s best for us. We want what we want when we want it. But the fact is, our idea of good timing is often not good at all. God knows this and gives us things at just the right time, so that we won’t fall into disastrous situations.
Being impatient is like trying to swim against a riptide. By struggling against it, you eventually become tired, get pulled under, and drown. But if you swim parallel to the shore, you can escape the riptide’s pull and then head back to land. It’s the same with life: if we constantly fight the tide of trouble or stagnation, we get dragged down by defeat and despair. But by steadily going on with our lives, keeping our goals in sight but not struggling against fate to reach them, we eventually succeed.
Floating on your back conserves your energy when you are swimming. In the same way, when we feel overwhelmed by life, we can just float in God’s love for a while and let it carry us through the rough places. At some point we must resume swimming — but this time we will have our strength restored and feel more confident of reaching our destination.
Patience must be nurtured in order to grow healthy and strong. But how can you become more patient? Keep reading!
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In this post, I’d like to share a simple meditation exercise to help you manifest your goals for Your Ideal Life, once you have determined what they are. You can use the audio version of this post as a guided meditation, if you wish (just click arrow on player above):
The first step is to choose a quiet spot at a time when you’re least likely to be disturbed.
Turn off your cell phone and any other distracting devices that might be in the room. If noise might be a problem, use earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones through which you can play white noise, soothing nature sounds, or soft music. Be sure not to choose music which might be distracting to you. It should be calm and mellow, preferably instrumental.
Sit comfortably and begin to breathe deeply. Inhale through your nose to a count of four, hold for a count of two, then exhale through your mouth slowly to a count of 6. Do this for a couple of minutes, until you find your body relaxing and your mind slowly starting to let go of its chatter and settle into a quieter, more receptive mode.
Now, begin to meditate one-by-one on each aspect of your Ideal Life. Don’t use too much force; use a very gentle approach. I find it helpful to pretend I’m sitting in a darkened theatre, looking at a blank movie screen. Don’t get hung up on the word “visualize.” Some people will see vivid mental images start to appear on their inner movie screen, and others will get just a subtle impression. It doesn’t matter; the visualization still works either way. Treat it lightly but confidently. Visualize anything that gives you “all the feels” of achieving this goal.
See yourself immersed in the scene you hold in your mind’s eye. Use ALL of your senses. If you’re visualizing your ideal place to live, see yourself there, smiling and happy. Notice all the details about it, such as how your house looks and where it is located. Here’s an example, which you can alter to fit your own particular scenario: If your ideal place to live is by the seashore, see the beautiful blue-green water and smell the salty ocean air. Feel the gentle sea breeze caress your face and ruffle your hair. Wiggle your toes and feel the sand beneath them. Hear the crash of the waves, and the cry of the sea gulls as they fly in the air above you. Then, walk into your home and go through every room, seeing, feeling, smelling and touching everything you encounter until you really feel as though you are there. If you would like to share this home with a person or pet, see them there with you, also looking happy.
This is a good time to mention something important about goals that involve another person: It’s fine to visualize a particular someone you’d like to be with; but remember, we cannot control the destiny of another person. Your Ideal Life scenario needs to be one that they also would like to share, or it will not happen. We cannot force our dreams on someone else. Even if you managed to do so, it ultimately would lead to unhappiness. So, unless you are already with the person and they share a goal similar to yours, be willing to open to other possibilities. You can visualize that special someone, but your ultimate wish should be for whatever would be the highest good for all concerned.
Once you have thoroughly immersed yourself in one particular aspect of your Ideal Life, move on to the next one. Don’t try to force any impression that doesn’t come naturally. The important thing is that you give yourself a feeling of certainty that achieving your goal will happen. Use any means to do this. For instance, If you want to write a book, visualize an image of your book’s front cover, your name in the byline, and your picture on the back cover. See other people reading this book, enjoying it, and deriving benefit from it.
After you have visualized each aspect of your Ideal Life, your goals and aspirations, say to yourself the following affirmation: “I have what it takes to be ___________ and have __________!” Fill in the blanks with whatever is appropriate to your goal. See yourself enjoying your new life, and giving Light to others with your gifts. See yourself shining with Light, following the path of Higher Power, spreading your Light to other people in your own unique, God-given way.
Close with the following statement, which I learned from Shakti Gawain’s wonderful book, Creative Visualization: “All this or something better now manifests for me in totally satisfying and harmonious ways, for the highest good of all concerned.” This is, I think, the most important step in the whole process of manifesting your Ideal Life. It acknowledges our humility and leaves the door open to God’s greater wisdom to give us what we truly need, and what will give us true joy and fulfillment.
Now, gently turn your attention back to the present time, and slowly open your eyes. If you were able to really immerse yourself in the visualization process, you will feel as though you truly were in that new life for a little while.
Take a few minutes every day to visualize your Ideal Life. You don’t have to spend hours or force yourself, but do it on a regular basis. Also spend some time daily developing your gifts, and over time you will become more skilled and successful at them. Don’t obsess over it; don’t overtire yourself or get anxious and troubled. Stay open, calm and hopeful.
There is no better way to spend one’s life than to give it to God with trust that God will do with it what is right. Tell God sincerely, “Thank You for all my many blessings. I give You all I own, all I have within me, and all I am. Take these and use them to do what You will. Help me to do Your work and use Your gifts. Open me to whatever You want for me.” Say this prayer in the morning and when you go to bed at night. This is enough to ensure that your life will be well lived. Don’t worry about the details – God will take care of them. But it’s important to truly and sincerely mean it when we give God our life! We cannot give Him only some of it and withhold a portion for ourselves. Giving Him all that we have is a difficult, but very powerful, thing to do.
As you visualize your goals, you will run up against doubts and questions. Write them down in a notebook. At the top of the page, put the date, then write out the gift or goal you want to manifest, and all your questions and problems regarding this goal, no matter how small. If you write them down and meditate on them with trust (but not fixate on them with worry or anxiety), the guidance you need eventually will come. By doing this step, you are acknowledging that you have questions and doubts about manifesting your goals, because to repress and ignore them would interfere with your ability to visualize freely. But at the same time, you are releasing them as something to be dealt as you go along, rather than an obstacle to you right now.
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You might find that just by writing down these questions and concerns, something might happen to give you the answer. For instance, a friend might say something that answers your question; you might come across a book or article that gives you information you need; you might spontaneously get an insight or inspiration that gives you a new perspective on the situation; or you may awaken from a dream that gave you some guidance. You might not always know immediately that you got your answer, but if you write it all down, over time you will find that the concern is no longer troubling you. Write down that fact as well, and indicate that you are no longer troubled by this concern. Most importantly, express gratitude to God for His help!
In upcoming posts, we’ll explore how to develop a plan of action for manifesting your Ideal Life.
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Dealing with Doubt
Doubt is an integral part of our human condition. No one escapes it, not even the greatest saints and spiritual masters. So how do we deal with times of doubt? It cannot be conquered by getting proof of God’s reality, because as American economist, social theorist, and author Stuart Chase once wrote, “For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don’t believe, no proof is possible.” Nor is it helpful trying to force yourself to never have any doubts. But it is possible to have a different perspective on doubt by seeing it as a potentially valuable and powerful tool, not as a curse. Why? Because doubt sharpens our faith, the way a hard stone sharpens the edge of a knife as it is rubbed against it. As our souls are rubbed against the rough stone of doubt, we can become stronger, more courageous and confident. In the words of poet Kahlil Gibran: “Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.”
Certainly, it’s hard to see doubt as beneficial when we are deep in the throes of it, when it discourages and overwhelms us, destroying our peace of mind. At times of trouble and difficulty, we question what is happening in our lives and ask to understand. We mull over all the possible things we might have done to “deserve it” and we wonder: is God an infinitely loving Father, or an indifferent, even fierce, vengeful deity who doesn’t really care about our suffering? This is human nature, and God understands it. Doubt becomes a problem only when we honor it above all else and give God no opportunity to enlighten us.
When we read the Scriptures and other spiritual writings, we discover other people’s struggles with the same doubts with which we ourselves grapple. Recognizing that the human struggle with God’s reality and His will is an ageless one helps us to see it with greater understanding. Honoring our human free will, God never forces us to trust Him, but if we do not trust Him, He cannot help us to use our gifts as freely, and our lives will not be as fulfilling or productive. While trusting God is sometimes difficult, it stops fear, doubt, and despair faster than any human effort ever could do.
When we question God’s existence or His love, this means we are not mindless robots, but thinking, feeling, living souls who have free will and are subject to thoughts that are not always easy to live with. Never having doubts or fears would make us overconfident, taking our Creator for granted and limiting our spiritual development. We would be of no use to other people who have trouble believing in God, because we would feel self-righteous and smug, unable to understand or help them on their path to finding God.
Kindness and compassion begin with our own pain.
We might not be proud of our ignorance and fear, but they are part of our human nature, and all of us face them in ourselves and in others. By using doubt as a tool towards greater compassion for those who do not believe, we grow as souls and strengthen our own faith.
Using human reason alone can take us only so far. Acknowledging this limitation opens the door to God’s guidance. Questioning God is not sinful, but turning away from Him will close us off to His help, to enlightenment and growth.Think of it this way: if you have children who love and respect you, but sometimes question your rules or judgment, you wouldn’t feel angry about this, because you know that your children really love you and are not abandoning you because of a disagreement. But if your children totally rejected you and shut you out of their lives, you probably would feel anger or sadness, and eventually have no choice but to stop offering your help, because they are closed off to it.
Similarly, if we question God sometimes, or even get angry with Him, we don’t fall out of favor with Him. Nor do we stunt our spiritual growth, as long as we give Him enough trust to let Him guide us to a place of peace. It’s normal sometimes to question whether or not we are on the right path. Other people’s opinions on how to live our lives can upset or confuse us, but we can be sure that openness to God’s guidance will never let us down. If we continue on our path, even when we feel doubt, over time the path straightens out and we will be guided in the right direction. If we continue our efforts to trust in God, even when we feel He doesn’t care or that maybe He doesn’t even really exist, we eventually will experience stronger faith. Sometimes it’s a matter of “fake it ’till you make it.”
Another way doubt benefits us is by causing us to seek truth with which to arrive at answers. Using prayer and seeking spiritual sources of truth to enlighten our minds is the greatest antidote to doubt. Our human nature does not attune itself to Light often enough; instead it seeks material things and intellectual pursuits to try to fill the empty spaces and supply all the answers. I once saw a sign outside a church that read: “If God feels far away, who moved?” God is love; He knows no other way to be. God does not turn away from us, but we often turn away from God. As a result, we despair and do not feel His presence. We think that God has abandoned us. But this is an illusion, not truth.
Assuming that solely by our own power we can overcome any trouble, figure out any question, and solve any problem, without God’s intervention, ultimately leads to despondency. Trying to comprehend that which is not humanly comprehensible, such as God’s Divine nature and His ways, is like trying to understand a book written in another language by reading it over and over again, without any knowledge of the language in which it is written. This would be futile. But if you seek help from someone who understands the language, this makes it possible for you to understand the book. Likewise, only God can help us overcome the anguish of total despair, which is poison to the soul.
A person caught in quicksand will sink deeper the more he struggles. If we try too hard to overcome doubt, we sink even deeper into the quicksand of fear and despair, because our efforts alone, no matter how great, will never be enough to conquer these things. A person drowning in quicksand cannot pull themself out of it, but can be pulled out by someone else. By realizing that we cannot save ourselves from fear and doubt, we can then reach out to God and let Him pull us out of it by blessing us with the gift of faith.
Dr. Elton Trueblood, author, educator, philosopher and theologian, once said, “Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.” Faith originates in God. It is His gift to us, but our souls must be open to this gift, through total surrender to God’s will. This can be done by quieting the mind through mindfulness and meditation when it starts running amok, by frequent prayer and study of spiritual truth, and by freely sharing our own experiences with other souls who are struggling on their own path to God. Like a muscle, exercising our faith strengthens it, so that when doubt comes around — and it will! — our faith will be strong enough to see us through it.
Totally surrender your doubt to God and ask Him to use it to make you stronger. Ask God sincerely to show you His presence in your life, and stay open to God’s answer. By admitting that we don’t understand, but will trust a little while longer, we discover that somehow we find our faith again in the truths we spontaneously come to comprehend. This not only strengthens us, but allows us to help other people on their own spiritual journey.
When we see doubt as a tool to sharpen our faith, we will never feel powerless against it. When we honor God, we cannot at the same time honor fear or doubt. Alone we have no power against the darkness, but with God, who is Light, we have unlimited strength and endless power! Use your doubt as a tool to help you to become a stronger person. As Jesus promised in John 8:32, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
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In Part 1 of this two-part series,we defined forgiveness as a process that moves us from the cold, unforgiving emotions of bitterness and resentment to warmer, more altruistic feelings of love and compassion towards the one who has offended us. We discussed why it’s important to forgive and how we can prepare ourselves to begin the process.
Steps to Forgiveness
Following are a dozen steps to bring you through the forgiveness process, and ways to follow through and sustain your resolution to forgive. You may need to implement only one or two of these steps, or you might need to use all or most of them. It will depend on your particular situation. They do not have to be done in any particular order; it’s all a matter of what works for you.
1. Personal Encounter: “If you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift at the altar; go first and be reconciled with your brother” [Matthew 5:23-24]. After a cool-down period of mental and spiritual preparation, arrange a discussion with the person who hurt you. Often, much of the anger will dissipate once you are face-to-face. If handled correctly, conflict can lead to positive change. Ask for an explanation and try to clear up any misunderstandings. It is only fair to others that we clarify what kind of behavior offends us. Do not use confrontational, accusatory language. Be respectful. Preserve your inner peace. Repeat the other person’s words back to ensure you understand their meaning. Don’t argue in circles or bring up past hurts. Keep in mind that you cannot always change someone’s point of view, and forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation, which needs the cooperation of both parties. If you cannot resolve your conflict with someone by yourselves, call in an objective third party to mediate.
Never arrange a face-to-face meeting where you are alone with someone who has a violent temper, is abusive or otherwise unstable, or if you have difficulty controlling your own temper!If you have been the victim of abuse, you may need to seek the help of a professional therapist to help you work through the trauma. Your safety is of paramount importance!
2. Written Communication/Social Media: It’s important to realize that it is much easier for us to offend people or feel offended as a result of written communications as opposed to phone or in-person conversations. In this era of social media, texting and email, where communication is instantaneous, allowing little opportunity for rewrites or careful selection of our words, more and more of us are finding ourselves dealing with real or imagined offenses.
When you feel offended by something that was written to you, do not hastily dash off an angry, written reply. Take a break and then slowly re-read the message. You might find that you missed or misread some words, or “read between the lines” something that wasn’t actually there at all. If you still feel hurt or uncertain about the meaning of what was written, call or meet with the other person, if at all possible, and ask for clarification. You will then be in a position to discuss the situation and clear up any misunderstandings.
If verbal communication is not feasible, after a period of prayer and reflection, write a calm reply and ask the person to clarify their meaning, or present your side of the situation in a non-confrontational manner. If the other person insists on being rude and argumentative, the best response from you is none at all. There is no value in arguing with a person whose mind is closed and who does not want to compromise. If certain people are often negative or offensive on social media, it’s usually best to quietly disengage from contact with them. Most of the time, other people eventually will see these people for what they are and disregard their negative comments or cut off contact with them as well. But if other people believe the negative person’s lies or unkind remarks about you, they probably are not the kind of friends you want, anyway!
3. When no contact of any kind is possible: If the incident happened a long time ago, the other person is deceased or their whereabouts unknown, or if meeting/talking with them is inappropriate or unsafe, work through the rest of the steps in the process to bring you to a point of forgiveness and inner peace. It is not always necessary or possible for the other party to know you have forgiven them.
4. Examine your own actions. Ask yourself honestly: “Am I being overly sensitive? Did I do something to cause or exacerbate the situation? Could I have reacted more appropriately?” If you find that you are also to blame for the situation, acknowledge your part in it, apologize to the other party if possible, and above all forgive yourself as well as the other person. We all are human and we all make mistakes. Acknowledge, make amends, and move on.
5. Talk it out with someone whose judgment you trust. Don’t whine, play victim, or place blame, but discuss the event as objectively as you can. Then ask for honest feedback and receive it with an open mind. Sometimes another person’s viewpoint can help you see the situation more clearly. Tell your impartial friend not to allow you to discuss the matter repeatedly, and don’t go complaining about it to everyone you know. Continual rehashing of the incident will only deepen your feelings of resentment. Seek help from clergy, a counselor or a therapist if you continue to be deeply troubled about it.
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6. Keep a sense of proportion. Hatred and bitterness arise out of our failure to realize that “we are not in the flesh, but in the spirit.” [Romans 8:9]. As spirit, nothing and no one on earth can destroy us. Superficial differences and petty arguments become meaningless when viewed in the vast panorama of eternit
7. Shift your perspective. Although we don’t have God’s ability to see into anyone’s soul, attempting to see the incident from the other person’s point of view can often help us to forgive. One way to do this is by writing out an account of the incident as seen from your opponent’s perspective. Were there extenuating circumstances, personal problems or pressures that may have been contributing factors? By putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, feelings of understanding, compassion and empathy may begin to replace the anger and pain.
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8. Release your emotions. Write honestly about your feelings in a journal, or even in a letter to the person who hurt you. Don’t hold back – this is the time to release all theanger, hurt and frustration you feel. However – and this is vital – NEVER send the letter! Tear it up or burn it as a symbolic way of letting go of the negative emotions. Watch an appropriate movie or TV program, read a story, or listen to music that will help you vent some of your feelings. Don’t be afraid to cry as you watch or listen — tears can have a healing, soothing effect and soften your heart towards your offender. Some people find it helpful to use physical exercise as a safety valve for pent-up emotions.
9. Focus on the other person’s strengths and qualities. If your relationship basically has been a positive one, recall all the good times you’ve shared, the things you like about the person, the many ways in which the association has benefitted you.
10. Take positive action. Many people find peace by turning their pain and anger into constructive endeavors, i.e. working to change laws, raising public awareness over social injustice, giving time and effort to charitable organizations, etc. This brings good out of the evil that was done to them.
11. Recall a specific occasion when you offended someone and were forgiven. Remember the freedom and gratitude you felt as a result of being forgiven. How would it feel to do the same for the person who hurt you? Remember, at the same time that you are praying to forgive someone, someone might be praying for the grace to forgive you!
12. Find comfort in knowing that Divine justice will ultimately prevail. If someone has treated you unfairly, and no human justice is forthcoming, don’t become discouraged or seek revenge. We have God’s promise that all will be made right, if not on earth, then in the next world: “The Lord remembers what their enemies have done; he waits for the right time to punish them…The Lord will rescue his people when he sees that their strength is gone. He will have mercy on those who serve him, when he sees how helpless they are.” [Deut. 32:34,36].
Following Through on Forgiveness
Once you resolve to forgive, follow through on it. Write out a pledge to God and the person you are forgiving, and display it where you can see it often. Tell a third party about your commitment. This will make you more likely to stick to it.
After you have forgiven, let the matter rest and don’t bring it up with the person again. When Jesus said to forgive someone not just once, but “seventy times seven” times (Matt. 18:22), He meant, “Don’t keep a scorecard!”
Forgiving doesn’t always mean forgetting. There may be times when you’ll recall the incident and feel the pain all over again. It’s human nature to remember things that hurt us, part of our survival instinct to protect ourselves from being hurt in the same way again. As long as you don’t deliberately dwell on the memory to the point where you stir up bitterness and resentment again, you have not reneged on your promise to forgive. Accept and acknowledge the memories as they arise, then release them and move on.
Everyone’s experience of forgiveness will be unique. It might take time for you to be able to forgive. If you go through all the above steps and still find yourself unable to do it, don’t despair. Just continue to pray for the person who hurt you and do not dwell on hatred or bitterness. The challenge of forgiveness is not one we have to face alone. Give the situation to God and trust that He will restore light where darkness dwells, and peace where there is conflict, by infusing our hearts with the precious gift of forgiveness.
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Are you having trouble forgiving someone?
Everyone deals with the challenge of forgiveness at one time or another.
Then Peter came to [Jesus] and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No!” Jesus replied, “Seventy times seven!” [Matt. 18:21-22]
Forgiveness is an integral part of living a spiritually mature life, yet it is a complex and distressing issue for many of us, Christian and non-Christian alike. This two-part series will explore the challenge of forgiveness and present steps to help us in the process of forgiveness.
What is forgiveness?
One big stumbling block is confusion over what forgiveness actually means. The dictionary defines it as “granting pardon without harboring resentment.” Forgiveness is an altruistic outpouring of love and compassion towards those who offend us. It does not mean ignoring or denying that we have been hurt; condoning, justifying, or making excuses for someone’s actions; nor does it mean that persons committing an offense should not be held accountable for their actions.
It’s normal to feel hurt, anger, fear, or betrayal when someone offends us. But when we dwell excessively upon the offense, nurse our wounded pride and focus on revenge, our hearts become hardened with the unforgiving emotions of bitterness, resentment, even hatred. That’s why we must take steps to transform these destructive emotions into positive ones.
We need to realize that forgiveness does not mean we allow someone to continue hurting us through abusive relationships, perpetual irresponsibility and disregard for our feelings, or persistent behavior that is destructive to themselves and others. In such cases, we may need to avoid future emotional entanglements until and unless serious steps have been taken to resolve the problems. But we still can let go of our bitterness. Even after forgiving someone, the relationship and your feelings for the person may never be the same. Forgiveness involves non-possessive, “agape” love (charity), not necessarily an intimate, personal, or physically-demonstrative affection.
The degree of difficulty in granting forgiveness does not always depend upon the gravity of the offense. We may be able to forgive certain actions, yet struggle with others because they injure our feelings more deeply or trigger memories of past hurts. Some people are openly antagonistic towards us for no apparent reason. This blow to our ego is hard to take. But being spiritually mature means learning to forgive those who do not or cannot love us back.
Why should we forgive?
Forgiveness is a recurring theme throughout the Scriptures. In the Lord’s Prayer, Christians ask God to forgive us in the same way that we forgive others. Forgiveness is one of the most compelling lessons taught, and perhaps the most challenging.
Here are three reasons why forgiving others is important:
It blesses the person who offended us.
We have an obligation to forgive as we have been forgiven by God and by other people; for Christians, forgiveness follows Christ’s own example.
Forgiving others benefits us physically, mentally, and spiritually. Our emotions always turn back upon us. An unforgiving attitude makes peace of mind impossible, and some experts believe that harboring negative emotions like bitterness, resentment, and hatred for long periods of time can even lead to physical illness.
Steps Toward Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a process that can be broken down into manageable steps. As with any important undertaking, adequate preparation is essential.
How to Prepare:
Step 1 – Pray for the gift of being able to forgive
Prayer softens the heart, opening it to receive God s grace. Also pray for the person(s) who hurt you. It’s difficult to stay angry with a person for whom you are praying. Here is a suggested prayer:
“Lord, I want to forgive ______, who has hurt me deeply, but I feel no forgiveness, compassion, or charity in my heart. Every time I try to forgive, I just get more frustrated. I don’t want to honor only my human feelings and continue to live with heartache over this, so I’m asking You to help me. Give me a little of Your great capacity for love and compassion. Help me to act with high-mindedness, not just human emotion. Place within my heart the determination to be selfless and forgiving.
Please bless this person I am trying to forgive, and heal any pain or bitterness that is in their heart. If it is Your will that I continue to have this person in my life, please heal our relationship and help us to work out our differences with mutual respect and charity. I promise that as You help me, I will help others; as You forgive me, I will forgive; as You believe in me, I will believe in the value of others; and as You love me, I will love others in return. Lord, make me a soul who reflects Your Light. Amen.”
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Step 2 – Seek inspiration:
Reading the Scriptures and other inspirational material can also open the mind and heart to forgiveness. Here are some relevant Scripture passages about God’s forgiveness of us, and our obligation to forgive others:
If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared.
[Psalm 130:3-4]
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
[Jer. 31:34].
Where is another God like You, who pardons the sins of the survivors among his people? You cannot stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing mercy. Once again You will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under Your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean.
[Micah 7:18,19].
For if you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
[Matt. 6:12].
Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but repay evil with good.
[Romans 12:19-21].
Step 3 – Make a conscious effort to begin the forgiveness process:
Don’t wait for a warm, fuzzy feeling towards your offender. You probably won’t feel like forgiving someone who has caused you pain, and it will take an act of will to take the first step. If warm feelings toward the other person do happen, it will be the result of forgiveness, not vice versa.
(In Part 2, we’ll further examine the process of forgiveness as a series of steps, and explore some tips on how to follow through on your resolution to forgive.)
Some years ago, my mother confided that she had a lot of trouble praying and meditating in her house, because my Dad had retired and was home much of the time. Their house was small, and he often had the TV or radio on, and so there was always background noise, even if she went into another room. She didn’t drive, so she couldn’t go to a quieter place except for the times that I took her with me to somewhere quiet, or on Sundays when she and Dad went to Mass. She said she craved quiet time and solitude, because it made her feel peaceful and closer to God.
I told her I understood, because although my husband worked, on the days he was home I had much the same situation. Neither of our husbands was the type to engage in shared prayer sessions, and besides, there are times when one needs to have private time with God.
Shortly after this discussion, during my meditation time I heard the following words in my mind: “Better to get God’s peace in a noisy place than to go without it in silence.”
I shared this message with my friend, and we had to admit the truth of it. God’s peace and presence must be found in our hearts and souls; it is not dependent on anything external. There are many people who live busy lives and work amid much commotion and noise, and yet they manage to maintain their inner composure and have a wonderful relationship with God and other people. On the other hand, many of us know reclusive people who live alone in what are probably very quiet homes, yet they are bitter, lonely and isolated, empty of any inner serenity or joy.
This is not to say that we shouldn’t seek solitude and silence, ideally on a regular basis. Our minds and souls need this rest, this respite from noise, confusion, interruptions, and the many demands of modern life with its overload of information and dependence on electronic devices. It is essential that we disconnect from our devices for a period of time each day, take a break from work, from TV, video games, social media and other diversions, and spend some quiet time with God in prayer and meditation. But for some people, it can be very difficult to find a few quiet minutes of uninterrupted solitude. Below are some tips to help you.
10 ways to find inner peace despite your situation:
Take advantage of commuting time to pray or listen to inspiring, soothing music or audiobooks that make you feel more peaceful and uplifted. If you’d like to read the Bible or some other inspirational or motivational book, but find it too time-consuming to sit down and read every day, you can find a good audiobook version and listen to it during your commute. If you’re in your car, any of this can be done without jeopardizing your safety — listening to a recording or talking to God is no more distracting than speaking to someone in the passenger seat or on a hands-free cell phone. If you’re on public transit, you can put on your headset, close your eyes, and immediately be transported mentally to another, more peaceful place.
While doing repetitive chores like housework, gardening, bathing or feeding a baby, etc., talk inwardly to God about your feelings, problems, challenges, goals, and your concern for family, friends, and the troubles in the world. Or visualize your goals and aspirations as if they already have happened. Never focus on what’s wrong in your life, unless you want to attract more of the same! Alternatively, you can practice mindfulness, in which you focus on every aspect of the task you are doing, observing it without judgement. One of my favorite teachers for mindfulness practice is Jon Kabat-Zinn, who has many books and programs available on the subject.
Before starting your workday, during which you know you will have no time to pray or quiet your mind, silently offer to God as a prayer all the day’s work, the little successes as well as the annoyances and irritations. God will take them all and use them for your greater good. He will guide your efforts and decisions throughout the day, if you ask Him.
You don’t have to be down on your knees or in a church, or even in a quiet room, to talk to God. God has no hearing problem; He can hear you even in the midst of a noisy crowd or while you’re running the vacuum cleaner!
If you are able to drive or are within walking distance of a park, a nature trail, a church or chapel, whatever suits your particular needs, this is a great place to connect with your inner peace. Even taking a stroll through an art museum can be very inspiring, allowing you to appreciate the artists’ God-given talents and be soothed by the beauty of the artwork. Take advantage of this change of scenery to put you back in touch with your inner life. It’s much easier to feel close to God and at peace with yourself when you are out in the beauty of nature, or in the serene hush of a chapel. Even if you just walk or sit without words, God will know what is in your heart.
Spend time with animals. Watching horses graze in a pasture, sitting quietly petting your dog or cat, or watching fish while sitting by a pond, are great ways to learn inner silence and peace. Animals do not talk, yet they still can communicate with one another and with us, and they exude a sense of peace and serenity that is very comforting. Being close to these peaceful creatures makes us feel closer to the One who created them.
Years ago I used to do a lot of embroidery, and I found this a wonderful time to pray silently or listen to inspirational music or motivational recordings. Whenever I was working on an embroidery project that I intended to give someone as a gift, I thought about and prayed for the recipient as I stitched. I always liked to think that I was stitching lots of “good vibes” into it along with the thread, and that these would bless the person who would eventually receive the gift. You might try this if you are a “artsy-craftsy” person who likes to make things for other people.
If you live in a noisy environment and cannot get away, purchase a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. You can listen to non-distracting background music, soothing sound effects (water, birdsong, wind chimes, etc.) or white noise while you meditate or pray, and the noise of your surroundings will be much less intrusive.
Remember to listen as well as talk when you dialogue with God. We need to create a quiet space in our minds for God’s still, small voice to get through. Although it is much easier in a quiet environment, of course, it can be done anywhere. God can speak to us in many ways, and He will use any opportunity. So invite Him to do so, and then be alert for the many ways God will use to answer you!
Not only our waking moments can become a prayer — even our sleeping hours can be a means of attunement to God. Before you go to sleep at night, take a few moments to talk to God and ask for guidance and enlightenment while you sleep. This can come in the form of a helpful dream, or you might wake up with the answer to a difficult decision or situation clear in your mind.
Most of all, if we realize that God’s peace is a matter of openness, an attitude of being willing to unite every moment of our lives with the One who created us, who knows and loves us more intimately than any human ever could, we won’t become frustrated or anxious when our outer world does not align with our idea of a peaceful life. God’s presence, love, comfort and serenity don’t require ideal situations to permeate the mind and soul. Although we should never stop trying to find peaceful moments in our daily routines, just invite God in and He will make Himself at home — even in your noisy house!
Do you have any tips for staying calm and peaceful amid all of life’s noise and confusion? If so, please share in the comment section!
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God is holding a universal, never-ending talent show — are you a contestant?
“When I stand before God at the end of my life,” said American humorist and best-selling author, Erma Bombeck, “I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.'” Yet many of us find it easier to be generous with our money than with our time and talents. Giving of ourselves feels frightening and risky, and we tend to put our own feelings before God. Like a mother bird with her fledglings, God wants to push us out of our nest of complacency to use the talents He has given us. We want to try our wings, but lack confidence in our ability. But God is always nearby to answer our call for help. When we trust in Him, He gives us the strength and courage to spread our wings and soar to greater heights.
Jesus said, “You are the salt of the earth…the light of the world. Don’t hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all…so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” (Matt. 5:13-15, NLT). Let your light shine!
What are some benefits of sharing our talents and abilities?
Everyday Life Spirituality 