Spiritual Truth (30-Second Reflection #1)


A “30-Second Reflection” is a short piece of inspiration that I will post from time to time between longer pieces. I know a lot of readers are very busy, so sometimes might appreciate a very short post that just takes a few seconds to read. Hope you enjoy them!

Spiritual truth is never forgotten by anyone. It lies dormant in souls, sometimes for years, but never is it totally forgotten. If you tell your children about God’s tender care of them, it may seem as though they do not believe it or don’t remember it. But tell them anyway. One day, when you are no longer with them, this Light you gave them will still live within them. Recognizing it is only a matter of time.

The Traveler


At a time of my life when I was facing a lot of changes and adjustments as well as new opportunities and possibilities, including a new job, I naturally was feeling excited yet stressed, encouraged yet confused. I was praying about it all, of course, but still felt somewhat overwhelmed. I asked for a sign to help me know what direction to take with some of my goals.  One night, I had the following dream:

Dream: “The Unknown Road”

I am driving my car along a beautiful but unfamiliar country road. I am alone, with no particular destination in mind – just going for a ride on a beautiful summer day. I am driving carefully, especially at intersections, although there is little traffic in that rural area. The scenery is gorgeous, with gentle, rolling green hills in the distance, and the sky is a lovely blue with some puffy cumulus clouds. But then I notice some wisps of black in the sky and became frightened, thinking a storm is approaching. Then I see some men fixing the road up ahead and realize that what I had seen is not black clouds, but smoke coming from a machine that is mixing hot asphalt.

The road then ends at a “T”-type intersection. I don’t know whether to turn left or right. I pull over to the side, stop the car and get out, looking for a street or destination sign, but see none. The scenery here is breathtaking, because up ahead I see beautiful mountains and an enormous cathedral, bigger than any building I’ve ever seen, with the ornate, beautiful architecture common in old cathedrals. As I scan the panorama, I’m dismayed to see some ugly industrial buildings to the right and left in the distance. I think what a shame it is that they’re spoiling the beautiful landscape. The sight of them lends an eerie, desolate aspect to the scenery, giving me a creepy feeling. I wonder if I should ask someone where I am, so that I can figure out how to get back home. At first I resist, because I really had wanted to figure it out for myself, but with no signs to guide me, it doesn’t seem possible. I realize that I’ll have to ask for directions.


When I awoke, I realized how perfectly symbolic this dream was of my current situation. Roads, of course, symbolize the path we are taking in life. The road I was on, though beautiful, was rather narrow, which brought to mind “the narrow way” mentioned in the Gospels, and it was long and winding, showing that I still have far to go. The black clouds that I saw, which turned out to be harmless smoke from a truck doing street repairs, seemed to mean that some of my fears were groundless, and that my attempts to “repair” the things that are wrong in my life might be scary and upsetting sometimes, but necessary.

The T-intersection symbolized the fact that I can’t travel in the same direction forever; eventually I will come to a crossroads and have to make a decision and choose a new direction. I believed that the great cathedral in the distance represented my spiritual aspirations, and its huge size showed that it was an extremely important aspect of my life. The industrial buildings made me feel “creepy” and also angry at the way they ruined the beautiful landscape. Since industry is another word for work, I felt that they symbolized my fear of being overwhelmed with work to the point where I’d be unable to fulfill my higher ambitions and spiritual growth.

The dream was inconclusive, because it ended with my still being at the crossroads. To get more insight into this dream and what it might be trying to tell me, I put my mind into a passive, receptive state and did some journaling, which often results in spontaneous words and insights flooding into my mind (I call this “The Writing”). I received the following inspiration about my dream:

Become as a traveler who is not totally sure of the way, so he asks Someone who knows the area well to guide him. From the traveler’s viewpoint, sometimes the road will be deceptive. He might think one direction will lead him where he wants to go, only to find that it winds around and around, and he ends up back where he started. The wise traveler will admit his ignorance of the way and seek help. He will follow the direction of a knowledgeable person, even though sometimes the road that is pointed out seems like it could not possibly be the right one. The shortest path is sometimes the wrong one, and the experienced guide will know this, but the traveler, who is unfamiliar with the territory, will not.

“If sometimes the road ahead looks deceptively easy and you are fooled into thinking it is the right one, you might get lost. But if you seek the help of God, Who knows the way, you will never go wrong. You still might have to travel a great distance, go over many obstacles and follow a very tortuous road, but in the end you will reach your goal.

“The traveler who goes nowhere is the one who is too proud to ask directions, who goes his own way no matter what the circumstances. Do not be like this traveler, but like the one who is humble enough to know when he needs guidance.

“Ignore those who will tell you that sometimes you must hurt others to get ahead. If you aspire to this sort of success, you are on the wrong path. ‘Getting ahead’ this way is only a euphemism for selfishly grasping at things that are only temporary. This will give you nothing but grief. You will ponder on what you achieved and find it empty. Honor first what God has asked of you — to use your gifts for the benefit of others and to glorify God. If you do this, you will achieve your goals, find true contentment, and overcome the obstacles which hinder your growth. This will give you a freedom that no earthly success can ever give. Do not heed the discordant voices that try to lead you astray. They are only empty noise in a space that is devoid of any true peace or happiness.



God’s Peace


Some years ago, a friend confided that she had a lot of trouble praying and meditating in her house, because her husband had retired and was home much of the time. Their house was small, and he often had the TV or radio on, and so there was always background noise, even if she went into another room. She did not drive, so she couldn’t go to a quieter place except for the times that I took her with me to attend a Holy Hour in my parish’s 24-hour chapel, or on Sundays when she and her husband went to Mass. I said I understood, because although my husband worked, on the days he was home I had much the same situation. Neither of our husbands was the type to engage in shared prayer sessions, and besides, there are times when one needs to have private time with God.

Shortly after this discussion, during my meditation time I heard the following words in my mind: “Better to get God’s peace in a noisy house than to go without it in silence.” (I modified it somewhat in the above picture quote to make it more generally applicable).

I shared this message with my friend, and we had to admit the truth of it. God’s peace and presence must be found in our hearts and souls; it is not dependent on anything external. There are many people who live busy lives and work amid much commotion and noise, and yet they manage to maintain their inner composure and have a wonderful relationship with God and other people. On the other hand, many of us know reclusive people who live alone in what are probably very quiet homes, yet they are bitter, lonely and isolated, empty of any inner serenity or joy.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t seek solitude and silence, ideally on a regular basis. Our minds and souls need this rest, this respite from noise, confusion, interruptions, and the many demands of modern life with its overload of information and dependence on electronic devices. It is essential that we disconnect from our devices for a period of time each day, take a break from work, from TV, video games, social media and other diversions, and spend some quiet time with God in prayer and meditation. But for some people, it can be very difficult to find a few quiet minutes of uninterrupted solitude.

Moms with babies and toddlers, people with demanding careers, busy students, caregivers for the seriously ill or disabled, or even retired people like my friend who find that the unaccustomed constant presence of their spouse takes a good deal of adjustment — these are some of the circumstances that can make quiet time with God a real challenge. As much as we might crave God’s peace in our hearts, we all have times when this seems difficult to find. But if we realize that we can still attune our minds and hearts to God, no matter what our surroundings or circumstances, we won’t need to feel upset or guilty when life doesn’t give us many moments of privacy and silence.

We can take advantage of every moment — waking or sleeping — by making our very lives a prayer. Here are some tips:

  • While doing repetitive chores like housework, gardening, bathing or feeding a baby, etc., talk inwardly to God about your feelings, problems, challenges, goals, and your concern for family, friends, and the troubles in the world.
  • Take advantage of commuting time to pray or listen to inspiring, soothing music or audiobooks that make you feel more peaceful and closer to God. If you’d like to read the Bible but find it too time-consuming to sit down and read it every day, you can find a good recorded Bible and listen to it during your commute. If you’re in your car, any of this can be done without jeopardizing your safety — listening to a recording or speaking to God is no more distracting than talking to someone in the passenger seat or on a hands-free cell phone. If you’re on public transit, you can put on your headset, close your eyes, and immediately be transported mentally to another, more peaceful place.
  • Before starting your workday, during which you know you will have no time to pray or quiet your mind, silently offer to God as a prayer all the day’s work, the little successes as well as the annoyances and irritations. God will take them all and use them for your greater good. He will guide your efforts and decisions throughout the day, if you ask Him.
  • You don’t have to be down on your knees or in a church, or even in a quiet room to talk to God. God has no hearing problem; He can hear you even in the midst of a noisy crowd or while you’re running the vacuum cleaner!
  • If you are able to drive or are within walking distance of a park, a nature trail, or a church or chapel, take advantage of this change of scenery to put you back in touch with your inner life. It’s hard not to feel close to God when you are out in the beauty of nature, or in the peaceful hush of a chapel. Even if you just walk or sit without words, God will know what is in your heart.
  • Years ago I used to do a lot of embroidery, and I found this a wonderful time to pray silently or listen to inspirational music or prayer recordings. My personal favorites at that time were the wonderful music of John Michael Talbot, or praying along with a rosary cassette tape. Whenever I was working on an embroidery project that I intended to give someone as a gift, I thought about and prayed for the recipient as I stitched. I always liked to think that I was stitching lots of “good vibes” into it along with the thread, and that these would bless the person who would eventually receive the gift. You might try this if you are a “crafty” person who likes to make things for other people.
  • If you live in a noisy environment, get yourself a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. You can listen to non-distracting background music, soothing sound effects (water, birdsong, wind chimes, etc.), or white noise while you pray, and the noise of your surroundings will be much less intrusive.
  • Remember to listen as well as talk when you dialogue with God. We need to create a quiet space in our minds for God’s still, small voice to get through. Although it is much easier in a quiet environment, of course, it can be done anywhere. God can speak to us in many ways, and He will use any opportunity. So invite Him to do so, and then be alert for the many ways God will use to answer you!
  • Not only our waking moments can become a prayer — even our sleeping hours can be a means of attunement to God. Before you go to sleep at night, take a few moments to talk to God and ask for guidance and enlightenment while you sleep. This can come in the form of a helpful dream, or you might wake up with the answer to a difficult decision or situation clear in your mind.

Most of all, if we realize that God’s peace is a matter of openness, an attitude of being willing to unite every moment of our lives with the One who created us, who knows and loves us more intimately than any human ever could, we won’t have to become frustrated or anxious when our outer world does not align with our idea of a peaceful life. God’s presence, love, comfort and serenity don’t require ideal situations to permeate the mind and soul. Although we should never stop trying to find peaceful moments in our daily routines, just invite God in and He will make Himself at home — even in your noisy house!


How to Succeed in Faith without Really Trying



Doubt is an integral part of our human condition. No one escapes it, not even the greatest saints and spiritual masters. So how do we deal with times of doubt? It cannot be conquered by getting proof of God’s reality, since this is not humanly possible. But it is possible to have a different perspective on doubt by seeing it as a potentially valuable and powerful tool, not as a curse. Why? Because doubt sharpens our faith, the way a hard stone sharpens the edge of a knife as it is rubbed against it. As our souls are rubbed against the rough stone of doubt, we can become stronger, more courageous and confident.  

Certainly, it’s hard to see doubt as beneficial when we are deep in the throes of it, when it discourages and overwhelms us, destroying our peace of mind. At times of trouble and difficulty, we question what is happening in our lives and ask to understand. We mull over all the possible things we might have done to “deserve it” and we wonder: is God a fond Father of love, or an indifferent, even fierce, vengeful deity who doesn’t really care about our suffering? This is human nature, and God understands it. Doubt becomes a problem only when we honor it above anything else and give God no opportunity to enlighten us.

When we read the Scriptures and other spiritual writings, we discover other people’s struggles with the same doubts with which we ourselves grapple. Recognizing that the human struggle with God’s reality and His will is an ageless one helps us to see it with greater understanding. Honoring our human free will, God never forces us to trust him, but He cannot use us as freely if we do not trust Him, and our lives will not be as fulfilling or productive. While trusting God is sometimes difficult, it stops fear, doubt, and despair faster than any human effort ever could do.

When we question God’s existence or His love, this means we are not mindless robots, but thinking, feeling, living souls who have free will and are subject to thoughts that are not always easy to live with.  Never having doubts or fears would make us overconfident, taking our Creator for granted and limiting our spiritual development. We would be of no use to other people who have trouble believing in God, because we would feel self-righteous and smug and unable to understand or help them on their path to God.

Kindness and compassion begin with our own pain. We might not be proud of our ignorance and fear, but they are part of our human nature, and all of us face them in ourselves and in others. By using doubt as a tool towards greater compassion for those who do not believe, we grow as souls and strengthen our own faith.

Using human reason alone can only take us so far, and acknowledging this opens the door to God’s guidance. Questioning God is not sinful, but turning away from Him will close us off to His help, to enlightenment and growth.

Think of it this way: if you have children who love and respect you, but sometimes question your rules or judgment, you wouldn’t feel angry about this, because your children really love you and don’t abandon you because of a disagreement. But if your children totally rejected you and shut you out of their lives, you would probably feel anger or sadness, and eventually stop offering your help.

Similarly, if we question God sometimes, or even get angry with Him, we don’t fall out of favor with Him, nor do we stunt our spiritual growth, as long as we give Him enough trust to let Him guide us to a place of peace. It’s normal sometimes to question whether or not we are on the right path. Other people’s opinions on how to live our lives can upset or confuse us, but we can be sure that openness to God’s guidance will never let us down. If we continue on our path, even when we feel doubt, over time the path straightens out and we will be guided in the right direction. If we continue our efforts to trust in God, even when we feel He doesn’t care or that maybe He doesn’t really exist, we eventually will experience stronger faith.


Another way doubt benefits us is by causing us to seek truth with which to arrive at answers. Using prayer and seeking spiritual sources of truth to enlighten our minds is the greatest antidote to doubt. Our human nature does not attune itself to light often enough; instead it seeks material things and intellectual pursuits to try to fill the empty spaces and supply all the answers. I once saw a sign outside a church that read: “If God feels far away, who moved?” God is love; He knows no other way to be. God does not turn away from us, but we often turn away from God. As a result, we despair and do not feel His presence. We feel that God has abandoned us. But this is an illusion, not the truth.

Assuming that solely by our own power we can overcome any trouble, figure out any question, and solve any problem, without God’s intervention, ultimately leads to despondency. Trying to comprehend that which is not humanly comprehensible, such as God’s Divine nature and His ways, is like trying to understand a book written in another language by reading it over and over again, without any knowledge of the language in which it is written. This would be futile. But if you seek help from someone who understands the language, this makes it possible for you to understand the book. Likewise, only God can help us overcome the anguish of total despair, which is poison to the soul.

A person caught in quicksand will sink deeper the more he struggles. If we try too hard to overcome doubt, we sink even deeper into the quicksand of fear and despair, because our efforts alone, no matter how great, will never be enough to conquer these things. A person drowning in quicksand cannot pull himself out of it, but can be pulled out by someone else. By realizing that we cannot save ourselves from fear and doubt, we can then reach out to God and let Him pull us out of it.

Dr. Elton Trueblood, author, educator, philosopher and theologian, once said, “Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.”  Faith originates in God. It is His gift to us, but our souls must be open to this gift, through total surrender to God’s will, by quieting the mind through mindfulness and meditation when it starts running amok, by frequent prayer and study of spiritual truth, and by freely sharing our own experiences with other souls who are struggling on their own path to God. Like a muscle, exercising our faith strengthens it, so that when doubt comes around (and it will), our faith will be strong enough to see us through it.

Totally surrender your doubt to God and ask Him to use it to make you stronger. By admitting that we don’t understand but will trust a little while longer, we discover that somehow we find our faith again in the truths we spontaneously come to understand. This not only strengthens us, but allows us to help other people on their own spiritual journey.

When we see doubt as a tool to sharpen our faith, we will never feel powerless against it. When we honor God, we cannot at the same time honor fear or doubt. Alone we have no power against the darkness, but with God, who is Light, we have unlimited strength and endless power! Use your doubt as a tool to help you to become a stronger person. As Jesus promised, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” [John 8:32]




If you pursue happiness on earth, it eludes you. If you do what you feel compelled to do with your life, and it is the right thing for you, happiness will follow. After we die, God will not ask us if we were happy; He will ask what we did with what we had.

This is not to say that God doesn’t want you to be happy; however, God has planned  your life so that when it aligns with His will, you are happy on earth and happy in eternity.

If we aggressively pursue happiness, we risk hurting others and ourselves, and conflict and grief will follow.  Happiness is not a thing you can capture in a bottle and hold to yourself. It is not a treasure to be searched for and found. It is, rather, like a road on which you walk — not a destination in itself, but part of the journey. It is only when we achieve our soul’s goals that we are truly happy — not the human happiness that ebbs and flows, but the inner joy and peace that come with fulfilling one’s destiny.

Never give up on fulfilling your goals. They are as the air you breathe — they keep you alive; they keep you going! Hold fast to them and trust God to lead you to their attainment.





In Honor of Mother Teresa


Mother Teresa

As you may know, Mother Teresa of Calcutta (actually, Blessed Teresa of Calcutta since her beatification in 2003), will be canonized a saint in Rome this coming Sunday, Sept. 4, 2016. In her honor, I would like to post the following words that she reportedly had hanging in her room and/or in the home for children she ran in Calcutta, India. They are based on something called “The Paradoxical Commandments” by Dr. Kent Keith, but Mother Teresa put her own spin on it. Her version is as follows:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

Says it all! Saint Teresa of Calcutta, pray for us. Help us to be unselfish, serene, generous and joyful as you were.

Ordinary Men, Extraordinary Lives-Pt. 3

Spiritual Lessons from the Apostles


Parts One & Two of this series gave us an overview of the Apostles and discussed the lessons we can learn from them. In Part 3, the final post in this series, we will look at the inspiration that can be drawn from the lives of Matthew,  James the Lesser, Jude Thaddeus, Simon the Cananean, Judas Iscariot, and Matthias.


Matthew underwent one of the greatest transformations of any of the Apostles. Before meeting Jesus, his name was Levi. More educated than most of the other Apostles, he could read, write, and figure sums. Due to his occupation as tax collector, he would also have had more money, though no higher social standing. Then, as now, tax collectors were extremely unpopular. They bought their position and were responsible to Rome for a certain amount of money each year. Anything over that amount was theirs, which naturally led to manipulation and dishonesty. Furthermore, because they were Jews working for the Roman oppressors, they were considered traitors and among the most hated people in Jewish society.

As such, Levi was probably the last person anyone expected to qualify as one of Jesus’ select group. Yet, Jesus called him and changed his name to Matthew, meaning “gift of God.” To the other Apostles, it must have been a shocking choice – not only the selection of Matthew but the new given name as well! It’s very likely that they tried to dissuade Jesus, fearing that having a despised tax collector as part of their group would reflect badly on all of them. But Jesus’ selection of Matthew taught the other Apostles about a segment of society with which they ordinarily would never have associated. They had to learn charity and tolerance for the sort of people to whom they would be bringing Christ’s message. This is a valuable lesson for us as well, that Jesus truly came to save all people, even those we consider lowly and despicable.

Despite his comfortable standard of living, Matthew was willing to chuck it all in an instant to follow Jesus. In order to appreciate the implications of this, we need to realize that for Matthew, unlike for any of the other Apostles, following Jesus meant there could be no turning back. The others all had a trade to which they could return; but once Matthew gave up his office, that was it. He would have no career to fall back on if he turned out to be wrong about Jesus. He would no longer fit in with his old friends, who would think he was crazy for giving up his comfortable life to follow some “religious fanatic.” Conversely, he was also despised by his fellow Jews and would not be welcomed into their society, either.

Because of his past, Matthew of all the Apostles probably had the most reason for gratitude at being chosen by Jesus. He never forgot his origins and what Jesus had done for him. In Matthew 10:3, he humbly refers to himself as “Matthew, the tax collector.” From Matthew we learn that gratitude and humility make sacrificing everything to follow Jesus not only possible, but a great joy, no matter what our shortcomings or circumstances.

James the Lesser

Also known as James the Just, or James son of Alphaeus, he is traditionally believed to be a cousin of Jesus; thus he is referred to as “the brother of the Lord.” James’ mother, Mary, was a kinswoman of the Mary the mother of Jesus, and was one of the women described in Mark 15:40 as being present at the Crucifixion. He is called “the Lesser” – meaning the younger or “little one” – to differentiate him from the other Apostle James, the son of Zebedee and brother of John. We do not know much about him. Around 170 A.D., the historian Hegesippus wrote of a James who had vowed to God not to drink wine nor eat meat except where Scripture enjoined him to, not to cut or anoint his hair or take baths, and spent so much time in prayer that it was said “the skin of his knees was tougher than a camel’s.” Although some modern Bible scholars disagree, tradition recognizes him as the same James who became the first Bishop of Jerusalem and wrote the New Testament epistle (Letter of James).

While most of the other Apostles dispersed to various parts of the world after Pentecost, James the Lesser stayed in Jerusalem, eventually assuming the role of Bishop of Jerusalem. He was spokesman in that city for the early Church, and faced much suspicion and many questions by the Jews there. He played an important role in determining how much of the Jewish traditions and obligations needed to be observed by “Followers of the Way,” as the early Christians were called. He eventually determined that only four Jewish traditions be imposed on Gentiles who wanted to follow the Way of Christ. We can assume from his important role in the early Church that he was diplomatic, patient, faithful, wise and fair-minded.

James the Lesser was martyred in 63 AD by being thrown off the roof of a temple and then clubbed to death by the Pharisees.

Jude Thaddeus

Here is another Apostle whose life is veiled in mystery. He actually went by three names: Thaddeus (“strong-chested”), Lebbaeus (“great-hearted”) and Judas of James. He speaks only once in the Gospel [John 14:22]. Tradition has it that he was the brother of James the Lesser, making him also a cousin of Jesus. But as with James, there is confusion about his identity. One 14th century writer claims he was the bridegroom at the wedding feast in Cana, where Jesus performed His first miracle by changing water into wine. Some modern biblical scholars hold the opinion that the Apostle Jude is not the same person who wrote the Epistle (Letter of Jude), as is traditionally believed. Nevertheless, ancient writings tell us that Jude preached in Judea, Samaria and Mesopotamia. St. Paulinus, writing hundreds of years later, tells us that Jude and Simon the Cananean suffered martyrdom in Persia, where they had gone as missionaries. They share the same feast day, October 28.

In the Letter of Jude, the early Christians are urged to persevere under the harsh, difficult circumstances imposed upon them by the world. Regardless of authorship, this advice is relevant to Christians living in our own trying times as well. Despite the obscurity of his life, Jude is today one of the most popular saints of the Catholic Church, and is known as the “patron of hopeless cases.” This should encourage those of us who feel that our lives are lived inconspicuously, that we are not famous public figures whose many words and actions are recorded for posterity. It shows us that we do not have to have the spotlight in order to make a difference in this world, and that God will reward us in the afterlife for deeds that may have gone unrecognized while we were here on earth.


Painting of the Apostle Jude Thaddeus in the Schottenkirche Church in Vienna, Austria

Simon the Cananean

Simon was also known as “the Zealot,” which means a Jewish patriot, extremist and political radical. The zealots awaited a Messiah who would be the new King of Israel and bring an end to Roman tyranny. They were not averse to using violence to obtain their objectives. Simon needed to learn new ways of dealing with the world, to love and forgive all people, even the Roman oppressors. This must have been very difficult for him indeed; yet he became a loyal follower of the Prince of Peace.

Through Simon’s example, we learn to tolerate and accept other people, to forgive our enemies, to labor untiringly for freedom and peace, and most of all, to be open and willing to follow God’s plan instead of our own ideas.

Judas Iscariot

You may be surprised to find Judas included in an article about learning spiritual lessons from the Apostles. Yet Judas was one of the Twelve and lived in close familiarity with Our Lord for three years. We can learn from Judas’ mistakes as much as we can from the other Apostles. His name was Judas ish Kerioth – meaning “Judas from Kerioth,” a city in Judea. Short and dark, with hair falling in black ringlets, he was probably the most educated of the Twelve. Being the group’s treasurer, Judas would have worn under his outer garment a leather apron with two huge pockets in which he carried the money.

In Judas we have a true enigma. He can be regarded as the consummate villain or a tragically misguided soul. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. It’s unlikely that Jesus would have chosen as an Apostle a thoroughly evil man with no redeeming qualities, as this would have created constant turmoil within the group and would have reflected badly on Jesus’ mission. From what we can tell, Judas got along with the other Apostles and was efficient in his duties as treasurer. It’s certainly true that he had some wrong ideas and had to be chastised by Jesus on occasion, but in this regard he was no different from the other Apostles.

One theory for Judas’ betrayal of Jesus is that he was motivated by greed and did it for the money. This seems unlikely, however, because the 30 pieces of silver he got for his betrayal was not a great amount in those days, surely not enough to induce him to commit such a heinous deed for the money alone. Perhaps he was promised more money or a prominent position of power in the future – we can only speculate about that.

Another, more plausible explanation is that Judas was disappointed and perhaps bitter at the failure of Jesus to immediately establish a successful and powerful earthly kingdom. By bringing Jesus before the Sanhedrin, Judas may have been trying to force Him into claiming the throne of David. Having been witness to so many of Jesus’ astounding miracles, Judas probably felt that if Jesus were really the Messiah, nothing could harm Him — He could simply perform a miracle to vanquish His enemies. Conversely, if Jesus were a false prophet, it was fitting that He should die, in which case Judas would be somewhat of a hero for delivering Him to the authorities. But as the trial proceeded and Judas realized what the outcome would be, he was filled with horror and remorse, trying in vain to call off the plot by returning the blood money.

There are two versions of what happened to Judas after the death of Jesus. Matthew 27 tells us that after his unsuccessful attempt to call off the deal, Judas flung away the 30 pieces of silver, went off and hung himself. But in Acts 1, Peter says that Judas bought a parcel of land with the money, then fell headlong and was disemboweled, probably by falling on his own sword. Whether this was an accident or suicide is not specified. Either way, the end result was the same.

We shall never know, on this earth, what motivated Judas. Nevertheless, it’s important to remember that his greatest sin was not his betrayal of Jesus, as this was part of God’s preordained plan of salvation. Judas’ great mistake was in despairing of God’s forgiveness. God in His mercy would not have preordained the loss of Judas’ soul. Judas could have repented of his disloyalty and gone on to do great works as an Apostle, as Peter did, rather than surrender to despair. It’s impossible to not feel some compassion for this unhappy man, because all of us are fallible. We can only hope that at the last moment, Judas made his peace with God.

The sad example of Judas warns us to beware of the things in our lives which we choose over God, be they goals, possessions or people; to resist our human tendencies toward greed, rancor and blind ambition; and to put our faith in God’s wisdom as to how destiny should unfold. Most importantly, we learn from Judas never to despair, because no sin of ours is ever greater than God’s mercy and love.



After the death of Jesus, the Apostles replaced Judas with Matthias, restoring their number to twelve. Matthias had been a disciple since the beginning of Jesus’ public ministry. It’s likely that he felt some disappointment when he wasn’t initially included in the original Twelve. He probably never dreamed he’d ever be one of these chosen Apostles. But as it was, God had great plans for Matthias – just as He has for each of us, if we are willing to wait trustingly for God’s will to manifest in our lives according to His timetable rather than our own.


This brings us full circle in our exploration of the lives, character and personalities of the diverse and fascinating men chosen by Christ to share so intimately in His life and form the foundation of His Church. As we study each Apostle, we recognize many of their flaws in ourselves and are inspired by their virtues. We realize how all of them, with the exception of Judas, rose above their personal weaknesses to become the great saints we honor today. Knowing how Christ transformed them, we are confident that He can and will transform us, as well. We only need to have, as did the Apostles, the willingness to be transformed.


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