May 3, 2023

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF STAGNATION: TIPS & TRICKS

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Once upon a time, a beautiful fruit tree found itself afflicted with arrested growth and tired, droopy leaves, tested by drought, wind and storms. It asked itself, “Why is this happening to me? I’ve tried very hard to grow and give of my fruit. I guess I must have done something wrong. I should just give up and forget about any fruit I could have grown!“

The tree asked itself over and over how it could return to the state of fruitful and productive growth it once had, because it felt useless and put-upon and shriveled up. But no matter how much it tried, nothing changed. The tree stayed barren.

A time came, however, when the sun shone, the gentle rain fell, and the troubled period of dormancy passed. It turned this tired old tree into a newly-blossoming thing of great beauty. It felt eager to grow again, and it saw itself bear wonderful fruit.

Are you feeling stagnated in your life? Do you feel confused, uncertain about your future and your goals, about how to keep growing, feel more useful, and use your gifts? Nothing can make us more downhearted than to feel useless or as if we’re stuck in a rut. This quickly can lead to depression, so it’s best to deal with feelings of stagnation as soon as they arise.

Here are some practical ways to help you overcome this condition and get you out of that rut:

Think of your life as the tree in the preceding story, which has no trouble bearing fruit when conditions are right, but which withers under constant heat, or grows too many leaves and not enough fruit when atmospheric conditions are unfavorable. Under adverse conditions, your gifts become dormant and seem to no longer exist. But a time will come when you will feel better, you’ll see your life improve, you will open your mind to Light once again and share that Light with others. “He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he does shall prosper.” [Psalms 1:3]
Make a list of past achievements about which you are justifiably proud. If you’ve had recent failures or setbacks, remembering all the times you succeeded in overcoming obstacles will reassure you that you can do it again! For some tips to help you deal with setbacks, see my prior post, “Changing Setbacks Into Success: Finishing the Race.”
Keep learning new things. Some people think that once they’re out of school, there is no longer a need to learn anything new. Although this often is a problem with older people, especially after they retire, it can be a problem at any age or stage of life. Never stop striving to acquire knowledge, learn new skills and formulate new goals. This keeps us young, keeps our brains sharps, and makes us more interesting to other people as well.
Feeling overwhelmed by a task, situation, or trying to assimilate too much information at once can paralyze us. Give your brain some rest while it subconsciously assimilates all the new information you’ve been feeding it. Read a lighthearted novel, watch an entertaining show on Netflix, or enjoy some outdoor activities for a while. If a task is overwhelming, break it down into manageable steps and try to do something every day in relation to the task, no matter how small. Give yourself a little reward for each accomplishment. You will find that you’ll build momentum from even the smallest actions.
Let go of unreasonable expectations about yourself. Maybe what you’ve been trying to accomplish is out of your skill set right now, or perhaps the time frame you’ve given yourself is too limiting. Re-evaluate your expectations and adjust them to a more reasonable level.
Evaluate criticism from others to determine whether it’s justified and constructive. If it is, consider utilizing the other person’s advice; if it isn’t, dismiss it and trust your own inner guidance. Remember that many people who accomplished great things did not at first have the approval of other people.
Give yourself time to adapt to big life changes. Entering a new phase of life, brought on by events such as graduation, marriage, relocation, retirement, etc., even if happy, can be very stressful. Once the initial excitement wears off, we might feel let down and not know what our next step should be. So be patient with yourself. You’ll find that in time, as you adjust to your new situation, your enthusiasm and ambition will return.
Dealing with recent grief and loss can make us feel stuck in sorrow and inertia. This is a normal part of the grieving process, as we learn to cope with the “new normal.” Remember that although things will never be quite the same, life still can be very good. As you emerge from the worst of the grief, you will begin to regain your vitality. If, however, you find that you are unable to cope with the loss on your own, seek the help of a professional counselor or therapist.
Realize that you might be on the brink of a big breakthrough. Sometimes a period of inertia and stagnation precedes a great change in our lives and a new goal or direction that we didn’t foresee. This is like planting a seed: You might not see anything happening above the ground, but underneath there is great activity! So keep on praying, and hold on to your dream, but don’t get anxious about it. Relax, and give it some time to emerge.
Determine what your gifts and strengths are. It’s hard to set goals when we’re not sure of what we’re good at. Figure out what makes you unique, what special gifts you possess that can bring you fulfillment and make the world a brighter place. You can find lots of useful tips in my three-part series, 7 Steps to Sharing Your Talents & Gifts
Give yourself some downtime. When we have been relentlessly pursuing our dreams and working very hard to accomplish things, it’s inevitable that at some point we just run out of steam, leading to exhaustion and burnout. Take some time to decompress and recharge your batteries!
Do not neglect your own needs while taking care of others. Remember that you cannot be of much help to other people if you’re not seeing to your own health and mental well-being. My post, “What’s Your Motivation?” may help give you insights into this situation.
If you’re experiencing a lack of confidence, fear of failure, or fear of new things, the only solution is to power through, and take the plunge of embracing new challenges and pursuing your goals, in spite of these feelings. Turning to God and seeking the support of loving family and friends can be a great help at times like this. In the words of Mark Twain, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
Is there a lack of challenge or excitement in your life? We all go through times when life just isn’t all that interesting or stimulating. The reasons for these barren periods are numerous, but they can sink us into a state of apathy and boredom that’s hard to shake. Do some soul-searching about what you truly want out of life and what new interests you can pursue. Refer to my post, “Your Ideal Life” for some useful tips. Also think about what you might have once loved to do but gave up for one reason or another. This might be the time to revive that old passion! Consider taking a trip for a change of scenery and some new adventures. You don’t have to go very far or spend a lot of money. Sometimes, just a day trip or a weekend away to someplace nearby but different can lift your spirits and pull you out of your rut.
Stay connected to God and your inner guidance. Feeling distant at times from Higher Power is part of being human, and it happens to even the greatest saints and spiritual masters. Change things up by finding a new prayer or meditation routine, pick up an inspiring book, listen to a motivating speaker, visit a different church, or go out in nature to seek God in the beauty of His creation. The feeling of disconnection eventually will pass, if you just trust the process and don’t give up trying to stay attuned to Higher Power.
Take care of yourself. If we’re not healthy physically, not taking proper care of ourselves, we won’t have the energy to feel enthused about anything. Be sure to eat right, get enough rest and exercise, avoid smoking, drugs or excessive alcohol consumption.
Recognize the importance of the little things you do. You might be frustrated at not being able to accomplish the big things you envision, leading to the feeling that you may as well not do anything at all. Realize that it is not necessarily the size or importance of the things we do that make them worthwhile. In this age of social media, with things going viral and people attaining ridiculously high numbers of followers in ways that sometimes are baffling, we can feel diminished in our own eyes if our efforts go unrecognized by the world’s standards. It helps to realize that sometimes it’s the things we do that we consider trivial that might make the most impact on other lives or be the most valued by God. Be consistent and sincere in your efforts, rather than worry about grandiose deeds or viral success, which often are fleeting and insubstantial, or even harmful to your soul in the long run. In the words of St. Teresa of Calcutta, “Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”

FruitTree — *Photo courtesy of Unsplash*

If you’re tired and discouraged right now, stuck in a rut of stagnation, afraid that you will never grow or be productive again, realize that this is just your perception, not truth. You are experiencing a necessary dormancy, just as vital to your continued growth as it was for the tree. Trust in the cycles of life, and know that the breath of God will infuse new energy into you when the time is right.

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April 4, 2023

SHARING YOUR GOALS

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So, you’ve decided on the goals you want to achieve in order to transform your life into something more closely resembling your ideal. You’re very excited and want to share your goals with others, seeking their support and encouragement. But should you rush out and broadcast your precious ambitions to everyone you know? Should you post about it on social media, talk about it with your friends over lunch, call your family and confide all your plans to them? How do you decide how much, if anything, to share, and with whom? This is a complicated issue and a personal decision, which calls for careful consideration.

There are, of course, advantages to sharing your goals with the right people: Speaking your heart’s desire out loud may help it to manifest. It’s fun to share your vision of Your Ideal Life with people you know, especially at the beginning when you’re bursting at the seams to talk about it to someone! Sharing your goals can help keep you accountable, because when other people know about your goals, it makes it harder for you to slack off on working towards fulfilling them.

You may feel it would be helpful to get other people’s opinions on the goals you have chosen. This, however, can be a double-edged sword. It’s true that an objective third party might be able to point out where you possibly can tweak or rethink a certain goal, and upon reflection you might decide they’re right. But on the other hand, these are YOUR goals, and your best source of guidance is to pray about them and follow where your deep intuition leads you, rather than take someone else’s words at face value. Of course, if your Ideal Life will include another person who has similar goals (for instance, a spouse or partner), you can be of great help to one another by sharing your dreams and aspirations. Two people working toward the same goals is doubly powerful!

If you have a very supportive relative or friend whom you trust implicitly and know will support you and have your best interests at heart, sharing your goals with them can be very edifying to you. Because they love you, they will encourage you in any way they can. Sometimes, they even might be able to assist you in practical ways to achieve them.

The important thing, though, is to be very selective and extremely careful about any person to whom you choose to entrust your most cherished dreams. As unpleasant as it may be to acknowledge, there always will be people out there who do not wish the best for you. They will be more than happy to shoot down your most cherished dreams, telling you every conceivable reason why you cannot possibly attain them, thus filling you with doubt and insecurity. This could be because of their natural negativity or bitterness, a narrow-minded, cynical viewpoint, or rigid, fatalistic religious beliefs. If you know people like this, do not share your goals and dreams with them. They will only undermine your confidence and possibly discourage you from even trying.

You also might invite envy from people who are too lazy or uninspired to set and pursue their own goals. Such people might openly ridicule you, both to your face and behind your back, because they envy your ambition and optimism. Sometimes they may actually try to sabotage your efforts to attain your goals. “He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23

Another drawback is that revealing your intentions and plans can put you in the position of having to defend them to other people, which is unnecessary and can cause your confidence to falter. You do not have to defend your goals to anyone; they are yours, and nobody has the right to challenge you about them, as long as they will not cause harm to other people.

Once having spoken about your goals, you might then become fearful of looking foolish if you fail. This lack of confidence can cause you to sabotage your own efforts. Also, sometimes our goals will change with time. If this happens with some of your goals, you might feel silly admitting this to people, who may not take you seriously after that.

Most importantly, sometimes people close to you might feel threatened by this new vision of your Ideal Life. They may feel that you will change and no longer be the person they feel comfortable with. Many times, family, spouses and friends secretly don’t want you to succeed, not necessarily out of malice, but out of fear that it will change your relationship with them. This is possible, because as you grow and change for the better as a result of your goals, you may well lose people who cannot accept the new you, nor grow and change along with you. This is a part of the process that you need to be willing to face.

One very important thing to realize is that the energy we expend by talking about our goals will sometimes seriously deplete the energy we have left to actually pursue them. Ever notice how the people you know who do the most talking usually accomplish the least? Although there is merit in “speaking your goals out loud” to yourself or to a select few people, wasting too much time and energy talking about all the wonderful things you plan to do may mean that by the time you decide to start working on them, you are already tired of the subject and find your enthusiasm has waned, rather than grown stronger. Talkers talk, but doers do — so be a doer, not a talker!

“Stop talking to people about what you will do; show them instead what you are doing.” says British psychologist, author, and broadcaster Robert Holden, PhD.

When you have achieved your goals and are well on the way to your Ideal Life, you’ll find that other people will want to talk to you about what you have accomplished, rather than the other way around. You can then use your experiences and success to help, inspire, and encourage them to work towards their own best life!

In most cases, it might be wise, especially at the beginning, to limit your goals and plans to your vision board, goal scrapbook, treasure box, or Ideal Life screensaver, as described in my previous post, “The Power of Visual Imagery.” Cherish your dreams within your heart and talk them over with God, and with your Guardian Angel or Guide if this fits into your personal beliefs. Ask for support and direction from the spiritual realm rather than the earthly one. Create your plan of action and then implement it, instead of wasting time and energy, and risking possible setbacks, by talking about them with other people.

*Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels*

In the words of Benjamin Franklin: “Well done is better than well said….Words may show a man’s wit, but actions his meaning.”

March 21, 2023

The Traveler: Finding Direction on Life’s Journey

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Do you sometimes feel lost and confused about what direction to take in your life?

Some years ago, I was facing a lot of changes and adjustments, as well as new opportunities and possibilities (including a new job). Naturally, I was feeling excited yet stressed, encouraged yet confused. I was praying about all of it, of course, but still felt somewhat overwhelmed. I asked for a sign to help me know what direction to take with some of my goals. One night, I had the following dream:

Dream: “The Unknown Road”

As the dream begins, I am driving my car along a beautiful but unfamiliar country road. I am alone, with no particular destination in mind – just going for a ride on a beautiful summer day. I am driving carefully, especially at intersections, although there is little traffic in that rural area. The scenery is gorgeous, with gentle, rolling green hills in the distance, and the sky is a lovely blue with some puffy cumulus clouds. But then I notice some wisps of black in the sky and become frightened, thinking a storm is approaching. Then I see some men fixing the road up ahead and realize that it had not been black clouds that I had seen, but smoke rising from a machine that is mixing hot asphalt.

The road then ends at a “T”-type intersection. I don’t know whether to turn left or right. I pull over to the side, stop the car and get out, looking for a street or destination sign, but see none. The scenery here is breathtaking, because up ahead I see beautiful mountains and an enormous cathedral, bigger than any building I’ve ever seen, with the ornate, beautiful architecture common in old cathedrals. As I scan the panorama, I’m dismayed to see some ugly industrial buildings to the right and left in the distance. I think what a shame it is that they’re spoiling the beautiful landscape. The sight of them lends an eerie, desolate aspect to the scenery, giving me a creepy feeling. I wonder if I should ask someone where I am, so that I can figure out how to get back home. At first I resist, because I really had wanted to figure it out for myself, but with no signs to guide me, it doesn’t seem possible.

As the dream ends, I realize that I’ll have to ask someone for directions.

countryroadwithhills

When I awoke, I realized how perfectly symbolic this dream was of my current situation. Roads, of course, symbolize the path we are taking in life. The road I was on, though beautiful, was rather narrow, which brought to mind “the narrow way” mentioned in the Gospels, and it was long and winding, showing that I still have far to go. The black clouds that I saw, which turned out to be harmless smoke from a truck doing street repairs, seemed to mean that some of my fears were groundless, and that my attempts to “repair” the things that are wrong in my life might be scary and upsetting sometimes, but necessary.

The T-intersection symbolized the fact that I can’t travel in the same direction forever; eventually I will come to a crossroads and have to make a decision and choose a new direction. I believed that the great cathedral in the distance represented my spiritual aspirations, and its huge size showed that it was an extremely important aspect of my life. The industrial buildings felt “creepy” and also made me angry with the way they ruined the beautiful landscape. Since industry is another word for work, I felt that they symbolized my fear of being overwhelmed with mundane work to the point where I’d be unable to fulfill my higher ambitions and spiritual goals.

The dream was inconclusive, because it ended with my still being at the crossroads. To get more insight into this dream and what it might be trying to tell me, I put my mind into a passive, receptive state and used my personal method to connect with my inner guidance. Through the process of inspirational writing, I received the following message about my dream:

“Become as a traveler who is not totally sure of the way, so he asks Someone who knows the area well to guide him. From the traveler’s viewpoint, sometimes the road will be deceptive. He might think one direction will lead him where he wants to go, only to find that it winds around and around, and he ends up back where he started. The wise traveler will admit his ignorance of the way and seek help. He will follow the direction of a knowledgeable person, even though sometimes the road that is pointed out seems like it could not possibly be the right one. The shortest path is sometimes the wrong one, and the experienced guide will know this, but the traveler, who is unfamiliar with the territory, will not.

“If sometimes the road ahead looks deceptively easy and you are fooled into thinking it is the right one, you might get lost. But if you seek the help of God, Who knows the way, you will never go wrong. You still might have to travel a great distance, go over many obstacles and follow a very tortuous road, but in the end you will reach your goal.

“The traveler who goes nowhere is the one who is too proud to ask directions, who goes his own way no matter what the circumstances. Do not be like this traveler, but like the one who is humble enough to know when he needs guidance.

“Ignore those who will tell you that sometimes you must hurt others to get ahead. If you aspire to this sort of success, you are on the wrong path. ‘Getting ahead’ this way is only a euphemism for selfishly grasping at things that are only temporary. This will give you nothing but grief. You will ponder what you achieved and find it empty. Honor first what God has asked of you — to use your gifts and talents for the benefit of others and to glorify God. If you do this, you will achieve your goals, find true contentment, and overcome the obstacles which hinder your growth. This will give you a freedom that no earthly success can ever give. Do not heed the discordant voices that try to lead you astray. They are only empty noise in a space that is devoid of any true peace or happiness.”

dejectedpersonwithquote

I have shared this dream and message to encourage you, if you are feeling lost and confused about what direction to take in your own life. After you consider all the known choices you can make and paths you can take, surrender it to Higher Power. Ask to be shown the way, through your own inner guidance. Do not depend only on your intellect; leave room for your intuition and inner knowing. Open your mind to possibilities and opportunities you may have not considered yet, and try not to cling stubbornly to ideas that clearly are not working out and need to be revised or discarded.

It’s funny how we usually trust a GPS system to tell us how to get to a destination. If we make a wrong turn and find ourselves being corrected by the GPS, would we sit in our car and argue with it, insisting that the road we took, which is clearly in the opposite direction, is the right one and that the GPS is wrong? No, most of the time we will follow the GPS directions without question. Yet, when our inner guidance, directed by Higher Power, is emphatically showing us that we need to take a detour, we question and resist it. A GPS system can sometimes be wrong; but God is never wrong. So, let’s give God at least as much trust as we put into our modern-day, man-made technology!

Several years ago, I started saying this prayer every morning, adding it at the end of my daily prayer to the Holy Spirit. It is based on Psalm 25:4-5: “Show me the path where I should go, O Lord; teach me the right road to walk. Lead me in Your truth and teach me Your ways, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long.”

Here are some additional Scripture verses about God’s guidance. I hope they will inspire you in your own life’s journey:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” ~ Psalm 32:8

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” ~ James 1:5

“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.” ~ Isaiah 30:21

“Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.” ~ Psalm 119:105

And finally, take comfort in the promise of Isaiah 42:16: “I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them.”

March 4, 2023

THE POWER OF VISUAL IMAGERY

Follow Your Dreams Scrapbook — *Photo by Lisa Fotios at Pexels*

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In my last post, we talked about how to imagine the way you would like your life to be if you had no restrictions or limitations. This week we’re going to take the first step in the plan to transform those dreams into achievable goals, by creating a visual representation of Your Ideal Life. To participate in this week’s exercise, you will need the list you created from the last episode, describing every aspect of your Ideal Life. For instance, where you would live, who you’d be with, your job or career, places you’d like to visit, your achievements, etc. If you don’t have such a list, please read my last post, “Your Ideal Life,” which will prompt you with some questions to create it.

You can choose one or more of the following – or even do them all! It’s your dream, so do whatever works. Be sure to include in whatever version you choose a photo of yourself, smiling and happy!

CREATE A VISION BOARD: Get a large piece of poster board or foam-core board, or even one of those memory boards that people use for photos. On this vision board, you will post at least one picture for each aspect of Your Ideal Life. You can write “My Ideal Life” at the top of the board if you wish. Cut pictures from magazines, print out online pictures, or draw your own. Attach the pictures to your vision board, and in the center of the board put the smiling, happy picture of yourself. Place the vision board where you will see it every day.
MAKE AN “IDEAL LIFE” SCREENSAVER: This is similar to the vision board, except that you will save the pictures to your computer as a screensaver. This is a great way to keep your goals always before your eyes! You also can post them in the image gallery of your smartphone, where you can look at them every day, or make a collage of them in a photo-editing program and use them as the home screen on your phone. The next time you have a few free minutes, browse through these images instead of checking your social media feed. Spending a few minutes focusing on your Ideal Life will be of much more benefit to you than seeing photos of what your friend from high school ate for lunch!
CREATE AN “IDEAL LIFE” SCRAPBOOK: If you enjoy scrapbooking, or simply are the type of person who feels more connected by holding a tangible object like a book, buy yourself an attractive scrapbook and mount Your Ideal Life pictures inside it. Have a separate page for each aspect of Your Ideal Life. Give the page a title, and decorate it with appropriate stickers, or draw designs on it that represent your goals. Keep it in a safe place but where it is easily accessible to you.
MAKE A TREASURE BOX: Buy an attractive box with a hinged lid, or use a decorative photo box with a lid. Embellish it any way you like with beads, glass gems, stickers, paint, etc. Inside the box put pictures and symbolic objects that represent each aspect of Your Ideal Life. For instance, if you want better finances, put some money in the box. If you want to live by the seashore, find a pretty shell and place that in the box. You can also write down each aspect of your dream on slips of paper or index cards and place those in the box as well. Don’t forget to include a smiling photo of yourself! Some people also like to put in the box a symbol of their particular faith or spiritual ideal: For example, a cross or Star of David, a holy picture or medal, a small statue, a crystal, some incense, etc. Keep the box in a prominent place of honor where you will see it often.

I have used all of these methods at one time or another. The first one I tried was the scrapbook. I was amazed a few years later when I came across the scrapbook again and saw that every one of the goals depicted in it had come true — some in a slightly different form, but very close! The scrapbook remains my favorite tool for goal visualization.

Whatever visual representation you choose, keep it handy and look at it often. You can add or subtract images to it as your ideals develop or change. You don’t have to keep it in open view if you are afraid that other people will make fun of it or otherwise discourage you (more about sharing your goals in a future post). Just make sure it’s in a place where you can easily access it.

Whenever you have enough time to give it attention, sit in a quite, comfortable place with your visual representation, and let the images, designs, objects and words permeate your consciousness. Smile as you immerse yourself in this visual representation of Your Ideal Life. If you are a meditator, incorporate this manifestation ritual into your daily meditation practice. Use a recorded guided meditation on manifesting, if it helps you focus better. I will share a guided meditation in my next post.

Another excellent way to impress your ideals on your subconscious mind is to visualize Your Ideal Life every night as you are falling asleep. It’s a great way to put yourself in a positive mood at bedtime, which also can lead to better sleep!

Once daily is enough time to spend with Your Ideal Life exercise. Do not obsess over it. You must live in the present at the same time you are visualizing your future. If you get obsessive about your goals, constantly comparing your dreams to your current less-than-ideal situation, you’ll just get depressed and discouraged about how far away you feel you are from them. When you do get disheartened because your dreams seem unattainable, just remind yourself that although you are not there yet, you are getting closer every day to a better life.

Also stay open to the idea that you might get something different from what you expect will make you happy right now, but it will be something that is actually more appropriate and attainable for you. This means remaining flexible to God’s greater wisdom, and being ready to shift gears if and when it becomes necessary.

Hold your dreams, but hold them lightly. Think of them as a little baby bird you have in your hand, who will get crushed if you squeeze it too hard. Only if you hold it gently will it grow healthy and strong enough to be able to soar one day.

Next time: A guided meditation to help you visualize your goals.

January 24, 2023

CHALLENGES TO STAYING POSITIVE

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My last two posts focused on becoming aware of our thoughts and feelings, and releasing the negative to focus on the positive, so that we can discover our heart’s true yearnings. In this post, I want to talk about something that, although unpleasant, is often part of the journey towards changing our thought patterns and fulfilling our goals. This post is based on some of my personal experiences, in the hope that it will help you when you encounter something similar. So here goes:

Several years ago, I had been formulating a new set of goals that focused on several areas of my life. I was, of course, keeping watch on my thoughts and feelings so that I could remain positive. No human being can think and feel positive 100% of the time, but if we can raise the percentage to at least 51% positive vs. negative (the higher the % the better), we will see significant changes in our lives. I was very excited about my goals, and I was utilizing many of the processes for manifesting them with the Law of Attraction. This, I believe, is simply a matter of demonstrating unwavering faith in order to cooperate, or co-create, with the Divine to bring about the best circumstances for our particular life journey in accordance with the Divine plan.

Unfortunately, shortly afterwards most of the goals I had been carefully considering and planning came under fire and began to look as though they would completely fall apart. I won’t bore you with a lot of personal details, but here in a nutshell is what happened: First, an online friend, who in the past had been upbeat and positive but lately had become increasingly pessimistic, unloaded a lot of negativity and self-righteous criticism on my efforts to be positive and optimistic. This was hurtful and deflated some of my enthusiasm, despite the fact that I knew I shouldn’t let it. Then, a particular event caused my husband to get cold feet again about a relocation goal which had just been starting to get his support. Some of my efforts concerning other goals seemed to meet with indifference and lack of results (imagine cricket chirping sounds here). All in all, my confidence was badly shaken, leaving me feeling adrift, directionless, and discouraged about my goals. I was finding it extremely difficult to remain positive and hopeful.

Meanwhile, through another set of circumstances, a goal that I had not been focusing on suddenly came to the forefront. Although I did not feel receptive to it at first, I soon found myself becoming excited about that goal again, much to my surprise. So at least this was a positive development. But still, I must admit that all these circumstances threw me for a loop. They caused me to rethink my goals, putting some of them on hold, changing my strategy on others, and focusing on some I previously had not been considering. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and with the distance of several years, in many ways I now can see the wisdom of this upheaval in my plans. But at the time, it felt devastating.

I know that I am not alone in this experience. I have heard often about this sort of thing happening to other people when they begin making positive changes in their lives and pursuing their dreams. In fact, it had happened to me before, regarding goals I had set in the past, so it should not have come as a complete surprise when it happened again. Sometimes I did attain those goals eventually, and in other cases those goals were replaced with other, better ones.

So, since I have been thinking a lot about this turn of events in my own life, I thought it would be helpful to explore why things like this might happen just when we have set our goals and started to work seriously towards them. So here are six possible reasons to consider, whenever your goals seem to be falling apart:

Course Correction: Whenever I set goals, I always pray that what I am pursuing is in keeping with the Divine plan for my life. It’s never wise to doggedly and blindly pursue goals without seeking guidance. This is because we often can end up unhappy when some of our goals may not turn out to be what we expected and instead cause trouble and regret. I totally trust that God always leads me in the right direction, provided I keep an open mind and heart. So when setbacks and disappointments rear their ugly heads, I seriously consider whether Divine guidance is correcting my course and showing me that what I am pursuing is not a true goal and not beneficial to me in the long run.
Cosmic Shake-Up: Whenever we set a goal, if it is in keeping with the Divine Plan, things will be set in motion to bring it about for us. Because of this, sometimes it means that for a while everything might be in chaos. But if we stay open and trusting, we will discern whether there is something we need to do differently in pursuit of our goals. Sometimes we just need to wait a bit for “the dust to settle,” and we will see our way clear again.
Test of our Determination: How committed are we to our goals? Can we stay the course, even when other people tear down our beliefs and aspirations, even when it seems that everything is falling apart, and we feel we don’t have what it takes to succeed at our goals? Sometimes setbacks are a way of testing our determination.
Test of our Trust and Faith in the Divine: Even though we say that we want to do God’s will and don’t want any goal that is not in our best interest or for the highest good of all concerned, it’s human nature to hope deep-down that God’s will is the same as our own. So it’s only natural that when a goal appears to be crumbling, we will feel deeply disappointed, maybe even bitter and angry. But it’s important to not immediately give up on all of our goals. We need to continue to put our faith in Divine guidance and do our best to keep an open mind, trusting that if a particular goal is not meant to be, then something better will take its place.
Divine Detour: Almost all of our goals do, out of necessity, involve other people and circumstances. Because human beings have free will, sometimes they might be disinclined or unable to do their part in what is needed to allow our plans to succeed. It also can be that another person’s involvement or cooperation in our goal would not be in their best interest. This does not always mean that our goals won’t manifest, but it may mean that a detour or delay is necessary. Think of it like your GPS recalculating your route when you come across a road that’s closed.
Things in Our Life are Out of Balance: Sometimes we can develop tunnel vision about our goals and, in the process, ignore or put on the back burner other goals, gifts and areas of our life that are actually important for us to focus on right now. I suspect that this is what happened to me that time several years ago. I trust that there was a good reason why I was called upon to resurrect a particular goal that had been dormant in my life for the previous couple of years. I have now included this goal in my plans. I have been pleasantly surprised at how much I’m enjoying including it in my life again, even though at first I was reluctant, even resentful about it.

The six reasons just outlined are often why we experience setbacks, even complete chaos and confusion, when we set goals and make the decision to effect positive change in our lives. Although these “roadblocks” are disturbing and discouraging, it’s important to stay determined to remain positive and keep our minds and hearts open to where our path may lead, even if we can’t see very far ahead right now. There is a quote I love that particularly applies to times like these: “We don’t know what our future holds, but we know Who holds our future.”

January 18, 2023

Releasing Negative Thoughts & Feelings

Girl Blowing on Dandelion-resized — Photo by Nine Köpfer on Unsplash

To listen to the audio version (podcast), click player arrow above

My previous posts (“Time to Wake Up” and “Identifying Habitual Thought Patterns”) addressed the subject of negative thinking and how it can set us up for failure at what we want to be, do, or have in life. It can keep attracting the same bad situations and adversely affect how we act and react to the world around us. We explored a number of common negative thoughts, so that we could identify the areas in which we seem to have the most trouble. In this way, we are “waking up” spiritually and mentally, by recognizing the numerous negative thoughts we have on a daily basis. If you did not see this list, please read my last post, “Identifying Habitual Thought Patterns” or listen to the audio version: https://anchor.fm/edlspirituality/episodes/IDENTIFYING-HABITUAL-THOUGHT-PATTERNS-e1svc1s

This post will explore in simple steps how to begin to change your circumstances for the better, and how to cooperate with our Creator to bring more joy, peace and abundance into your life.

Turning Negative Thoughts Around

Once we’ve identified some of our negative thought patterns, how do we turn things around? Most negativity is an expression of what we hate, fear, and want to avoid — in other words, all the things we DON’T want! Thoughts are energy, and because “like attracts like,” constantly dwelling on what we don’t want will keep bringing what we don’t want into our lives. The subconscious mind accepts everything you tell it, whether good or bad, positive or negative. For instance, if you keep thinking, “I don’t want to be poor,” “I hate being poor,” “I have no money and no prospects,” or “I need to get out of debt,” you are still focusing on poverty and debt, and probably fearing it, which is subconsciously setting you up to fall prey to more circumstances, people, and bad decisions that will keep you poor and in debt! The negative energy you are emitting will draw those negative circumstances and people to you.

To bring about change, we need to focus on what we love and yearn for, rather than what we don’t love and don’t want. Think of it this way: Supposing you went with a group of friends to an all-you-can-eat buffet. You go down the buffet table, looking at all the varieties of food, and every time you see a food that you dislike and would never want to eat, you add it to your plate. By the time you get to the end of the buffet, your dish is filled with food you can’t stand. You pay for it and go sit at the table with your friends. You sit there, not eating, feeling hungry and miserable, while your friends are heartily eating and enjoying their food.

Now you’re probably thinking, “Who the heck would do that?” Well, we do exactly that every time we waste our valuable energy by thinking and talking about what we DON’T want out of life! The friends who are enjoying their meal represent the people who focus their thoughts and energies on the things they truly want and to which they aspire — the people who love their lives and feel happy and satisfied. Meanwhile, you look on and wonder why you are so miserable. Would it help you to resent and envy them because they are enjoying their food and you’re not? No, because you chose the food yourself!

This life is a precious treasure — God’s gift to you. Your power to co-create with God the kind of life you truly want is part of this gift. Why would you waste it on things you don’t want? Why would you expend your precious time and energy perpetuating a life that is unsatisfying to you?

Remember, a random negative thought or two will not bring a host of bad things upon you. There is a time delay between our thoughts and their consequences, and positive thoughts are a great deal stronger than negative ones. That’s the good news. The bad news, though, is that sustained or habitual negative thoughts, especially when accompanied by strong emotion, will eventually attract negative things into your life. Like the food you chose at the buffet, the currency of your thoughts and feelings is capable of bringing both good and bad things to you. It’s a matter of which ones you choose.

As St. Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians: “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute; if there is any excellence, and if anything is worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

GorgeousSunrise-Sunset_Final — Photo (without text) by Ravi Pinisetti on Unsplash

Because we have tens of thousands of thoughts a day, it is impossible to monitor each one. But an easy way to identify your predominant thoughts is to tune into your feelings, because your feelings are the result of your thoughts. Are you feeling negative emotions, such as boredom, irritability, disappointment, anger, worry, depression, hatred, envy, guilt or fear? Or are you feeling positive emotions like love, gratitude, joy, excitement, enthusiasm, hope, satisfaction?

Don’t feel guilty or afraid because you are experiencing a negative emotion or thinking a negative thought, as that is just adding more negativity! We don’t want to deny our negative emotions and pretend they don’t exist, because they often serve to point out areas in our lives that need our attention. Also, it’s natural to feel negative emotions at particular crisis points in our lives, i.e., loss of a job, end of a relationship, death of a loved one, etc. If this is the case, you must allow yourself to experience the emotions, and seek help if necessary. We’re also not talking here about serious mental or emotional illnesses, for which one needs to be under medical supervision, but rather the typical thoughts and emotions that most of us experience on a regular basis. However, even if you are going through a life crisis or suffering from a mental illness, you can still apply these principles in addition to any other help you may be receiving.

Self-awareness is the key

Once you are aware of why you are feeling a particular way, you can understand what your emotions are telling you and what changes you can make to improve your circumstances. This then allows you to achieve mastery of your conscious thoughts. One way to do this is to practice a simple form of meditation. Don’t let the word “meditation” scare you. I don’t mean that you need to sit in Lotus Position for two hours every day and chant “Om” (although this is perfectly fine if you want to do it)! The objective is simply to quiet your conscious mind for a while. You need only a few minutes, and the following practice is very simple and will become even easier with time:

Set a timer for 10 minutes. Sit comfortably in a quiet room. Turn off all electronic devices and ask to not be disturbed. Begin to focus on your breathing and/or picture a blank movie screen in your mind.
As you sit there, thoughts will naturally bubble up. Just “watch” the thoughts. Don’t get involved with them; just witness them, and then turn your mind gently but firmly back to your breathing or to the blank movie screen.
If the thought that comes up is negative, acknowledge that you had a negative thought. Do not try to resist it, because resistance means you are focused on it with powerful emotion, which only will make it stronger. Just release it without judgement or guilt.
Continue this way until the timer goes off.

Make an effort to do this every day, or at least several times a week. You will find that you feel more relaxed and focused after this, and may want to do it for longer periods. Eventually you will reach a point where the intruding thoughts will decrease, and you will experience longer periods of peace as your mind lets go of its constant chatter.

How to Deal with Persistent Negative Thoughts

If you are feeling particularly sad, angry, depressed or fearful, and these same thoughts stubbornly keep recurring, you can use the following, more in-depth exercise to get to the root of your feelings and release them:

As in the previous exercise, sit in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed, with all electronic devices turned off or in another room. Focus on your breathing until you become more relaxed.
Ask yourself why you are feeling unhappy, and express the reason out loud, i.e., “I am afraid that I won’t find another job,” or “I’m sad and lonely because my love life is terrible right now,” or “I’m depressed because I’m not feeling well.”
Once you have identified the emotion and its cause, don’t try to resist it or force it to go away. “Fighting” an emotion — like “fighting” an illness — usually doesn’t work, since it involves negative emotions like anger, resentment or resistance, which actually can attract more negativity to you and make the condition worse.
Face the negative emotion and ask it what it might be trying to teach you. Let it speak to you, without forcing it or censoring it. Learn from what it is telling you. For instance, if you are depressed because you’re sick, the reason you might hear when you ask this question is that your life was out of balance. You were stressed, rushing around, not taking time to relax, not eating and sleeping right. The illness was your body’s way of telling you to slow down and take better care of it, to bring your life into a better balance of mind, body and spirit.
Now, ask yourself if there are actionable steps you can take at the present time to help ease this negative emotion. Just writing down some small actions you can implement right away is a very effective way to ease the tension and stress you’re feeling. You can follow-up after your meditation session by doing some research for additional ideas. Eventually, you can build upon these small successes, until you begin to see a measurable improvement in your situation and your mood.
From now on, reframe your fears and negative statements into positive affirmations. For example, “I have a career that pays well and is personally fulfilling to me;” “I have many positive, loving, and uplifting relationships in my life;” “I feel healthy and whole in body, mind and spirit.” In other words, you are stating what you love and aspire to, rather than focusing on what the less-than-ideal situation might be at the current moment.
At the end of your meditation session, thank your subconscious mind for giving you the reasons and the suggestions. Tell it that you will heed the lesson, and that you no longer need to experience the negative emotions. You can picture yourself letting go of the emotion in any way you like: i.e., blowing it away like dandelion fluff, releasing it as a balloon, or watching it wash away like sand in an ocean wave. Once you learn the lessons that your negative emotion is trying to teach you, it will no longer have a strong hold on you. You will be able to release it and move on.

Once again, do not worry or become anxious about having negative thoughts, as this will attract more negative thoughts to you. We all have numerous negative thoughts occurring throughout each day, but they become a problem only when we dwell upon them and repeat them often or infuse them with strong emotion. Instead, say to yourself, “All my negative thoughts are weak, while my positive thoughts are very powerful!”

Simply by having read this post and the last one, you have become much more aware of any negative thought patterns you have. Congratulations! From now on, you will not be on “automatic pilot,” reacting in the same old way to everything that happens in your life. You now will be aware of your reactions (your thoughts) in each situation and can take action on them! Now you are in the driver’s seat of your mind, rather than a helpless and clueless passenger!

Brooding Man_Final — *Photo (w/o text) by ANDRIK ↟ LANGFIELD ↟ PETRIDES on Unsplash*

The simple forms of meditation practice given here are an excellent way to become more observant of your thoughts and feelings in order to learn to control them. Meditation has tremendous benefits for mind, body and spirit. There are many excellent books, blogs, and videos about meditation if you would like to explore this practice in more depth.

In the words of Charles Haanel, New Thought author who lived from 1866 to 1949: “Be careful of your moods and feelings, for there is an unbroken connection between your feelings and your visible world.”

Next time: How to deal with challenges to staying positive.

January 10, 2023

Identifying Habitual Thought Patterns

My last blog post, “Time to Wake Up,” addressed how what we think consciously and believe subconsciously affects how we act and react to the world around us, and how our thoughts can directly influence our future. This principle, nowadays called “The Law of Attraction (LOA),” has actually been around for thousands of years and can be found in the Bible and many other spiritual texts and teachings. So it is important that we first identify our habitual thought patterns, to see which ones are serving us and which might be holding us back from achieving the sort of life we would like to have.

Following is a series of questions to help you in this thought identification process.

Do you often say or think any of the following:

I’m too ___ (tired, sick, achy, weak, old, young, fat, ugly, stupid, etc.)
I’ll never be able to _____ (fill in the blank)
I’m not ______(fill in the blank)
I’m a bad sleeper
I can’t relax…I can’t concentrate…I can’t lose weight…I can’t get up early…I can’t _______ (fill in the blank)
I’m always late / I’m always running behind schedule
I never have any money
I’ll never get out of debt
I’m never at the right place at the right time
It’s all the fault of my dysfunctional parents/family…my bad childhood…the traits I inherited from my parents, etc.
I’m just a victim of ______.
I have no control over what happens to me
I never get a break
It’s Murphy’s Law
I just look at food and gain weight
I’m getting…(old, fat, sick, worn out, forgetful, poorer)
I’ve only got a few more years left
I’m not ____ enough (i.e., smart, attractive, thin, talented, skilled, educated, rich) — or: I don’t have enough ______ (brains, education, looks, money, ability, luck, talent, etc.)
Something that good can never happen to me
I’d never be so lucky
I never win anything
Other people get everything, and I get nothing
This is just my luck (or) I never have any luck
I hate that person
I look horrible in everything I put on
I never take a good picture
I’ll never have enough ____ (money, time, ability, health, etc.)
I’m so afraid of _____
I really dread _______
I’m not feeling well – it’s probably cancer
I will probably get (name the disease), because it runs in my family (or because so many people get it).
I live in constant fear of getting (this disease).
I HATE (cancer, diabetes, asthma – or any disease)
We must FIGHT cancer (or other disease or problem)
Getting old sucks
I’m getting senile
I just can’t lose weight
I can’t cope with this
What if _____ (imagining something bad and then worrying about it)
I always have too much work
I hate my job and I’ll never get a better one
I don’t have enough to give to or share with anyone else
I’ll never forgive _____ (fill in name(s))
I’m too…(old, tired, busy, far gone)…to care about my looks or my health anymore
Everyone gets (fat, sick, high blood pressure, diabetes, memory loss) as they age.
I’m just falling apart
It’s hopeless
I never get good weather on my vacations or when I plan something

Do you often:

Gossip or complain about someone, or join in gossip/complaining about someone?
Try to instigate trouble and bad feeling among others?
Argue over and/or ridicule someone’s political or spiritual opinions?
End a friendship or become estranged from a family member because of differing political or spiritual beliefs?
Feel you have nothing to be thankful for?
Compare yourself negatively to other people?
Make nasty, snide or critical comments or cruel jokes in person or on social media?
Refuse to buy something you really wanted or needed, even though you have more than enough money to afford it, because you’re afraid to spend any money?
Make self-deprecating comments or denials when someone compliments you?
Criticize someone, and/or try to make someone else do things your way?
Harbor resentment or bitterness towards someone? Keep thinking about how to get even? Wish bad things on them?
Respond instantly with anger to someone else’s words or actions?
Try to control and “fix” other people’s lives rather than letting them learn from their experiences in their own way?
Frequently make or share self-deprecating remarks or jokes about being stupid, fat, old, forgetful, or other negative things?
Forward emails or share social media posts encouraging hatred against anyone or anything (political figures, celebrities, certain races, ethnic groups, religions, etc.)?
Say, “I HATE____” (fill in the blanks)?
Talk at length and frequently about your illnesses or someone else’s?
Feel envy towards someone? Withhold a compliment from someone because you secretly envy them?
Try to take something/someone away from a person because you think you deserve it more? Try to turn others against someone because you’re jealous?
Constantly worry about your loved ones and what could happen to them, or about losing your partner, your money, your health, etc.?

Okay, so you probably identified with at least several – and maybe a lot – of these. Some of them might rarely or never pertain to you, while others are fairly frequent. If so, welcome to the human race! We ALL think, say or do these things from time to time. A fleeting thought or occasional slip-up won’t have a significant effect on your life or your future. If, however, you habitually think, do or say any of them, and if the thoughts carry a strong emotional charge, you are setting yourself up to attract exactly what you say you hate, fear and don’t want! This is because our subconscious mind believes everything we tell it, whether it’s true, false, good or bad. It is merely responding to our conscious thoughts, words and actions, like an obedient, cooperative child. It doesn’t analyze whether the thoughts are good or bad for you, positive or negative. Analyzing and choosing are the domain of the conscious mind; the subconscious just accepts what we tell it.

Consequently, with our negative thoughts we will attract, or subconsciously be attracted to, just the circumstances and people that we want so much to avoid! Also, fighting against something negative is never as effective as striving instead to bring about a positive result. For example, instead of hating and “fighting” a disease, it’s better instead to think wellness and health, and do whatever we can to promote these positive qualities. Mother Teresa, now St. Teresa of Calcutta, was quoted as saying:“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”

Negative thinking also will block any good things that God wants to send us. Nothing is forced on us by God, who respects and honors our free will. Negative thinking is like keeping your hands behind your back when someone offers you a gift. You cannot accept the gift unless your hands are open to receive it.

LOA experts recommend that we shift our positive thoughts to at least 51% over the negative ones. Even this 1% over the halfway mark could be enough to dramatically change one’s life. I believe that the more we can shift our thoughts from the negative to the positive, the quicker and more dramatic the change will be!

Legend says that in the Buddha’s travels, he encountered a man who was awed by his peaceful, radiant persona. The man asked, “My friend, what are you? Are you a celestial being? Are you a god? A magician? A wizard?” The Buddha replied, “No. I am awake.”

Jesus told His followers that if they had faith “the size of a mustard seed” they could move mountains. He also told them that, with enough faith and belief, they could do all the things that He had done, and even greater things.

*Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash*

We cannot even begin to improve our lives unless we become awake and aware of the negative thoughts and lack of faith we harbor on a daily basis. Otherwise, we walk around in a perpetual state of “automatic pilot” and unconsciousness. Once you become aware, you will begin to notice any instances in which you are thinking or speaking negatively. You also will be shocked and dismayed at all the negativity you will notice around you from other people! In upcoming posts we’ll examine these negative thoughts and attitudes and explore ways to bring about positive change and achieve our goals and dreams.

Have a positively wonderful day!

November 30, 2022

Changing Setbacks into Success: Finishing the Race – Pt. 1

Part 1 of a 2-Part Series

TO LISTEN TO THE AUDIO VERSION, CLICK HERE:

In 1990, two men collaborated on a collection of inspirational stories. They were sure they had a winner, but in the first month alone thirty-three New York publishers turned them down. “No one buys short stories,” they were told, “and your title stinks!” Even their agent dropped them; yet they refused to give up. But after 140 rejections, they seemed to be up against a brick wall. No one wanted what they had to offer.

At one time or another, we all face obstacles, setbacks, and failures. Whenever we make changes in our life or embark on a new venture, we meet resistance from outside sources and from within ourselves. Friends and family may question our goals, or maybe we are inwardly fearful of what lies ahead. Random events beyond our control can also disrupt our plans. Confidence fails; doubt and discouragement replace our initial feelings of hope and excitement. But obstacles are a natural part of progress. If we realize this from the beginning, we can gain insight into the possible causes, and learn from our experiences. We can find the courage to press on instead of giving up.

Few people experience as many obstacles as did St. Paul. He was shipwrecked, beaten with rods, whipped, stoned, suffered many sleepless nights, hunger, thirst, cold and exposure. On top of that, he experienced constant anxiety about the early churches who looked to him for leadership. In Damascus, the governor guarded the city so Paul could be arrested. He writes, “…but I was lowered in a basket through a window in the wall and escaped…” Now that’s persistence!

Undaunted by the innumerable obstacles he faced, Paul continued writing and encouraging the early Church even from prison. In his second letter to Timothy he wrote, “I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith.”

Your Perceptions

Events in themselves are not necessarily good or bad. It’s our perception of the situation that labels it, our reaction to it that determines the ultimate effect it will have on our life. “The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty,” said Winston Churchill.

When our plans go awry, the human tendency is to react with fear, despair, or anger. We are angry with ourselves for our perceived failure, with other people for getting in our way, or with God for letting us down. But doors are opening even while we think everything is hopeless; changes are occurring during even the darkest times. We cannot see this, because our earthly perspective is limited to our present circumstances. It’s only in hindsight that we understand how each piece in the puzzle of our lives is essential to the entire picture.

Your Attitude

The late comedian Flip Wilson had a character named Geraldine, who used to flaunt her charms with the announcement, “What you see is what you get!” Similarly, what we see when we envision our future is often what we get. Lacking self-confidence, doubting God’s care, and obsessing about everything that could go wrong, set us up for failure.

Equally impractical is the blind optimism that stubbornly clings to unreasonable goals and pie-in-the-sky dreams. People with a well-balanced attitude set realistic goals and focus on success, while still leaving the door open to God’s surprises. They’re confident that nothing happens that God cannot use for good. They know they are guided, even when they can’t see the road ahead or feel God’s presence

Make Room for Abba

Jesus referred to God as “Abba,” which translates into “Daddy.” If we think of God as our loving Father (“Daddy”), it stands to reason that He would want only the best for us. Set goals and make plans, but leave them open-ended. Remember, God might have an even better idea, so stay open to it! “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?“ Jesus asked the crowd during his Sermon on the Mount, “Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” If God is our loving Daddy, we can trust that He will give us the very best!

“If you are discouraged, it is a sign of pride, because it shows you trust in your own power,” said Mother Teresa of Calcutta. “Your self-sufficiency, your selfishness, and your intellectual pride, will inhibit [God’s] coming to live in your heart, because God cannot fill what is already full.”

After Christ ascended to heaven, the apostles didn’t know what their next step should be. During this dormant time, they had to wait for God’s direction. “…They went to the upper room where they were staying…[and] devoted themselves with one accord to prayer…” (Acts 2:13-14). For 10 days, they waited and listened prayerfully for God’s answer, which manifested at Pentecost with the coming of the Holy Spirit.

Every one of us has experienced frustrating times when despite all our efforts, nothing moves forward. You leave voicemail messages, send emails, texts, post something important on social media, etc., but no one responds. You launch a new venture, but the people you counted on to support it are strangely absent, whether through thoughtlessness, self-absorption, or because they’re dealing with personal problems. Your new business seemed off to a great start, but now the phone is silent and no one seems to know you exist. Just as you seem to be advancing toward a goal, you’re hit with illness, a family crisis, or financial problems, and all progress comes to a screeching halt.

During times of stagnation or frustration, surrender your anxiety to a Power greater than your own. Quiet your thoughts and listen with an open mind to what your inner wisdom might be telling you. Gradually, guidance will emerge out of a seemingly hopeless situation.

In Part 2, we’ll examine 10 steps you can take to help turn your setbacks into success. (You’ll also find out what happened to the two authors who couldn’t sell their book!)

November 7, 2022

What’s Your Motivation?

Loving Hands — Give with open hands and open heart

Image courtesy of hyena reality at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

To listen to the audio version, click below:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0mEriQu4X26t7C4xpUDTQc?si=4a452348a4a0436a

In his book, The Healing Power of Doing Good, Allan Luks tells the story of a well-meaning, charitable woman who desperately wanted to help humankind. Although she was not famous like Mother Teresa, she spent much of her life working with the homeless and destitute. But as time went on, she became more and more fixated on the outcome of what she was doing. When she couldn’t permanently change the conditions that were causing such misery, she became increasingly angry and frustrated. Without realizing it, she had become focused on personal power. This attitude eventually destroyed both her physical and emotional health.

Why are some people able to accomplish so much good and elevate their souls to great heights, while others become bitter and disillusioned? The difference is in their motivation. To God, only the heart’s true intention is important. Heroic deeds, showy displays of pious devotion, and eloquent words, do not mean as much to God as one small gesture made out of genuine love.

Personal gratification is its own reward, and sometimes God allows it in order to encourage us. It’s natural to be happy when we receive gratitude for our service to others; it is human nature to want love and approval from other people. It’s also true that the very act of helping others brings with it a feeling of deep satisfaction and often lifts our own mood when we are feeling depressed or troubled. To enjoy these positive feelings does not mean that we are selfishly motivated.

But this alone is not the criteria by which we should judge which deeds are of the most value. We might envision ourselves accomplishing wonderful things that show us in the best possible light, but our most worthwhile achievements will not always be the ones that satisfy our ego or have an immediately apparent outcome. Rather, they might consist of things we consider insignificant.

When an actor is working on a scene, the director or drama coach will challenge the actor by asking, “What’s your motivation?” By analyzing what drives the character, the actor will understand the character’s motives and be able to portray him more believably. It might benefit us to take a cue from the actor and ask ourselves, “What’s my motivation?” before we embark on any undertaking. For me as a Christian, I must ask myself not only “What would Jesus do?” but “Why would Jesus do it?”

Here’s a checklist for determining your motivation (you have to be totally honest for it to work!):

Am I doing good works or helping someone so I can feel important and/or show everyone how virtuous I am? For some of us, this is often the true, secret motivation lurking behind the outward altruism. When our efforts become unrewarding and tedious, when it feels like work, when the gratitude and accolades stop coming (or never come at all), will we then simply move on to something more personally gratifying? If so, our only motivation was to please ourselves, not help others or honor God.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta once said: “We must not drift away from the humble works, because these are the works nobody will do. They are never too small. We are so small we look at things in a small way. Even if we do a small thing for somebody, God, being almighty, sees everything as great. For there are many people who can do big things. But there are very few people who will do the small things.”

Am I trying to force someone to be more like me? I heard Joel Osteen confess in one of his inspiring talks that he used to criticize his wife’s habits, until one day he realized he was trying to make her over to be more like himself, even though they had distinctly different ways of doing things. This got me to thinking that all of us probably are guilty of this at one time or another. We think that just because someone doesn’t do something “our way,” he/she must be defective and needs to be made over into a “mini-me.” God has purposely created people with different personalities and ways of doing things, for a good reason! If everyone were the same, the world would be totally unbalanced. And I don’t know about you, but if I’m honest about it, the thought of everyone being like me is more than a little scary!
Am I making someone dependent on me? A common source of confusion is the concept of helping people versus taking over their responsibility, making them rely too much on us, or enabling them to continue on a destructive course. Many people subconsciously derive satisfaction from controlling others and making them feel indebted or dependent in an unhealthy way. Parents often do this with their children, but this co-dependent situation can exist in any relationship. Our role is not to make people dependent on us, but to help them achieve the self-respect and personal growth that come only out of effort and hardship. We also need to remember that God might have a different path in mind for this person than what we think is the “right way.”
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Do I want to “save” someone? It’s important to realize that of our own power we cannot truly save anyone. Only God has the power to save a person, and although He might sometimes use us as instruments to accomplish this, God will not force Himself or His will on anyone. A person must want to be saved, must decide they sincerely want to overcome whatever is holding them back from spiritual development or a better, more productive life. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with me” [Rev. 3:20]. God will not break down a locked door, and only the person needing help can turn that key, not us! We cannot take away anyone’s suffering or figure out the reasons for it. We cannot “save” anyone. We can only offer ourselves as channels of God’s healing and love, realizing that the person we are trying to help must do their own part to open to it.
Do I fulfill my religious obligations only when I’m in the mood or only because I fear God’s punishment? True, it might be better to do it for those reasons than not at all, and we all have times when we’re less than enthusiastic about our prayer time or attending religious services as we know we should. However, it would benefit us spiritually much more if we recognized these things as opportunities to show love and gratitude to God and enrich our souls. Fulfilling our spiritual obligations when we’re not in the mood is probably even more pleasing to God, because it shows Him that we are putting Him before our own feelings.

People often say, “I don’t get anything out of going to church/synagogue.” This is true for everyone at one time or another. There are times you might just sit there and not feel attentive or uplifted at all. However, you might also find, as I often have, that once you are in a place of worship, the peace and quiet and sense of God’s presence will soothe you and lift your spirits more than you expected it would. But even if this doesn’t always happen, the point is not for us to get anything out of it but to give something to God. Remember that God is never outdone in generosity – if you give Him this little bit of time out of your busy week, He will repay you in blessings a hundredfold! Of course, if you are avoiding in-person religious services due to health or other valid reasons, this is a different matter. But we can still spend some “quality time” with God in other ways. The important thing is to honor God by setting aside some time out of our lives that is strictly for God alone.

Do I try to “bargain” with God? Sometimes we might promise God all sorts of things, and make the effort to do good works, in order to barter with God for favors (“I’ll do this for You if You give me what I want”). Then when we conclude that God did not keep “His end of the bargain,” we become bitter and disillusioned. Even if things do work out as we hoped, we often forget to keep our promises to God, or we drop our good works because we have gotten what we wanted. God does not bargain with us. He already knows what we really need (not just what we think we want) and the best possible outcome for any situation, not only for us but for others who might be involved.

God gives us blessings out of His infinite love for us, not because He is swayed by our impressive bargaining power! If God grants you a blessing and you want to do something for Him to show your gratitude, this is wonderful. But don’t dangle a carrot in front of God. He doesn’t need our carrots. Give from your heart; don’t give with strings attached.

Am I too focused on the outcome of my efforts? This is a tough one! We all want to know that our efforts meant something, that they had a positive effect. But not seeing results doesn’t mean our efforts were in vain or that God is displeased with our work. It simply means that the time is not yet right, or our efforts were thwarted by another person’s attitude or lack of openness. Sometimes, God has plans for our work or for another soul that do not conform to our own ideas. Having the right motives means that if God wills a different outcome, or if he doesn’t let us see successful results from our efforts, we will trust His better judgment and infinite wisdom. The only thing that matters to God is the effort we made and our intentions when we did it.

Our true worth is not measured by talent, intelligence, or worldly success, but by how much we love and how open we are to others. When we strive to be of service to God or to our fellow humans for God’s sake, rather than our own ulterior motives, our smallest actions take on a Divine magnificence, which shines through our words and actions as an inspiration to others. We all will leave this earth one day, and our deeds might be forgotten. But if our motives were pure, our actions will be glorified in eternity and our souls will be radiant reflections of God’s all-encompassing love. Our reward will far surpass our greatest efforts or any earthly satisfaction. This should be our primary motivation.

Again, quoting St. Teresa of Calcutta:

August 18, 2022

7 Steps To Sharing Talents – Pt. 3

TO WATCH ALL THREE PARTS ON YOUTUBE, CLICK BELOW:

This is the last post in a 3-part series. To read Pt. 1 click here; for Pt. 2 click here.

In Step 3 of my previous post, we listed all our talents and abilities. Step 4 dealt with finding opportunities to share our gifts. Now on to our last three steps:

5. Give without worrying about your imperfections or limitations. “Freely you have received; now freely give.” (Matt. 10:8 NIV). You don’t have to be a saint, genius, or the next winner of a TV talent program to bring joy to others with your gifts. Let’s face it, the vast majority of us will never reach those levels! Give without restraint, and it will free you to be more than you ever imagined. Don’t get discouraged by what you see as your limitations. My mother couldn’t drive in her later years, but she used her talent for knitting to make sweaters and other items for charity.

Your gifts are only as great as you allow them to be. If you feel the need, read books or take a class to improve your skills. But it is by using our gifts and seeing the happiness they bring that we gain the greatest confidence. Our skills will grow as we continue to share them. We will also gain valuable feedback about where we are succeeding and how we can keep improving.

Jesus told a parable about three servants who were entrusted by their master with varying sums of money (called “talents”), each according to his ability, before he left on a journey. The first two servants invested the money wisely and doubled the amount they had been given. But the third servant, because he was afraid of losing his master’s money and angering him, buried it in the ground. When the master returned, he praised the first two servants for their ingenuity and entrusted them with greater authority and responsibilities. But when the third servant returned the money exactly as it had been given, with the excuse that he had been afraid to do anything else with it, the master was angry. He took the money from the third servant and gave it to the first servant, who had returned to the master the greatest amount of money.

God wants us to “invest” in the talents he has given us, and if we do, He will increase them and reward us with greater opportunities and deeper fulfillment. But if we “bury” our talents out of laziness, fear, or feelings of inadequacy, this is contrary to God’s plan. It is not showing proper appreciation and gratitude for the gifts our Creator has entrusted to us. Hoarding our gifts gives nothing back to the world, or to God from whom we have received so much. When we stop giving, we stop growing.

Although we fear other people’s criticism and rejection, we usually are our own worst critic. We are eager to answer God’s call to use our gifts. Then that little negative voice inside us undermines our confidence, reminding us of our limitations and everything that can possibly go wrong. “You can’t do that!” it taunts. And that’s true: We can’t do it, but God can do it through us! If we reach out to God in faith, He will lift us up to our true potential.

6. Remember that sharing our gifts and earning money are not mutually exclusive! What if you are unhappy in your job, or unemployed and trying to find a job, or are in need of additional income? Usually our talents will lie in the areas for which we have a real passion. Many times, these passions point to our life’s true purpose. A career change or an entrepreneurial opportunity will sometimes develop from volunteer work that opened new doors for us. If you are unhappy in your present job, finding ways to do the things you love and for which you have an innate gift can help you feel happier and more fulfilled, whether or not you ever earn any money from it.

If you are unemployed and job hunting, share your gifts and abilities in the meantime. Offering your talents as a volunteer is an excellent way to hone your skills, make new contacts, and ward off the depression and discouragement that can come with being unemployed and searching for a new position. It also is a way to “plant seeds” that will demonstrate your faith and grow into future blessings.

7. Make use of the present time and don’t procrastinate. “So then, if we do not do the good we know we should do, we are guilty of sin.” (Jas. 4:17). The excuses are many: “I’m too busy right now,” “I’m not ready,” “I’ll wait until I retire,” “Maybe next year,” “I’m not good enough yet.” But our time on earth is limited. We don’t know if we’ll have tomorrow. By procrastinating, we can miss precious opportunities and later regret it. Future possibilities grow out of what we do in the present. Don’t wait until all the conditions of your life are ideal or your gift is “perfect.” Guess what? This will never happen! Do it now!

As we freely share what we have been given, our power to help others and do God’s work multiplies. Using our gifts is an investment in God’s Kingdom. This is like buying stock that can only go up. Be a star in God’s talent show! Lavishly spending our gifts brings happiness to others as well as ourselves. It fulfills our responsibility to make the world a better place.

What are your particular gifts and how have you used them? I would love to hear your own thoughts and experiences in the Comment section below.

Everyday Life Spirituality

A practical spiritual approach to a more meaningful life

motivation

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF STAGNATION: TIPS & TRICKS

SHARING YOUR GOALS

The Traveler: Finding Direction on Life’s Journey

THE POWER OF VISUAL IMAGERY

CHALLENGES TO STAYING POSITIVE

Releasing Negative Thoughts & Feelings

Turning Negative Thoughts Around

Self-awareness is the key

How to Deal with Persistent Negative Thoughts

Identifying Habitual Thought Patterns

Changing Setbacks into Success: Finishing the Race – Pt. 1

Your Perceptions

Your Attitude

Make Room for Abba

What’s Your Motivation?

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Turning Negative Thoughts Around

Self-awareness is the key

How to Deal with Persistent Negative Thoughts

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Your Perceptions

Your Attitude

Make Room for Abba

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